"Deborah, you're so innocent."
....
What in the world does the word innocent means?
Innocent:
n.
1.A person, especially a child, who is free of guilt and sin [uh, we have sin except Jesus so not it]
2.A simple, unsophisticated, guileless, inexperienced person [ gee, that sounds a bit like me]
3. A very young child [Well, I'm legally an adult, so no]
4.A person with little experience in the world, especially in sexual, evil and unpleasant manners [ok Urban dictionary definition, Lo entiendo]
........
Yep, back to square one.
But by all means, this comment has popped up several times, mainly from my times at high school rather than my one semester at UC Berkeley. (Irony) Honestly, I felt that no one can be called innocent because to be innocent means to have no sin, which only fits one person: Jesus Christ. Of course, I knew that was not the comment most people were referring to. I thought the comment stemmed off my dislike for not cursing, talking about sexual jokes and refraining from pleasurable activities that made me uncomfortable in a moral and health conscious standpoint. At first, I felt the comment "You're so innocent" was proof that there was a barrier between the people I meet and know, so I thought about tearing it down. That went down a path I regret taking, mainly because I realize that the people labeling me as innocent were the ones that I should not impress because they did not care about me. I should not impress anyone nor change for anyone who deems me worthy based on what I do.
Reasons why I choose to not curse is because the words I say reflect my heart. I do say negative things, but I don't want to go down a deep path of self pity and bitterness that drives the ones who do care about me away. I admit I do curse from time to time, but I feel it's because I get easily influence by my environment. Sigh, the UCB Meme page is not the way to go.
As for the sexual jokes or weed jokes, there's more to life than making remarks on being high or having a hookup. I did not know about the terminology surrounding the hookup culture until I realize the people around me were part of it. "I just want to eat you, "He's so hot," I want to swing from her chest."-Just stop. Please just stop because this kind of comments are feeding back into treating people as objects for appetite. Besides, no one always knows that there be a person hurt by sexual assault.
"They're trying to see if they can break your innocence."a friend told me
Sigh, I feel I want to break away from this world into one where everyone is valued. Longing for heaven.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Not a College Freshie anymore
I have not written in a while in my blog. Most of the times I would scribble something down of some time relevant news, but after the election, new year eve and spring break is over....some of the things I scribble down becomes a bit off in terms of the current news.
I already finished my last day of instruction last Friday. A few hours before was the famous SIR deadline (and the day I submitted my appeal essay to UC Berkeley as did a few of my friends). I passed a few important dates to me last year that were mostly painful, since senior year of high school was painful in some ways. One of them was April 17, the day I really wanted to not exist anymore and every time I think about why I did not want to exist, what drove me to that level of desperation, I often find myself with conflicting answers ultimately agreeing that I am glad I am here today instead of having everything stop. I do not have those thoughts anymore at Berkeley. The stress levels here is much better than I what I faced back at high school, mainly because my schedule is light compared to most students. I also love the freedom and independence here: I can do whatever I want without supervision like hang out with friends at a boba place without worrying about making in time for curfew or hanging out with church friends up to midnight. It does not mean I'm partying (I have no party skills whatever) or acting careless on the streets. It means I'm becoming more independent. Oddly, the thought of why I don't want to exist pops up from time to time. Maybe I am afraid circumstances would drive me to the same brink again and I want a solid reason on why I need to continue.
Coming here at Berkeley, I already established unbreakable reasons. There is so much beauty in life that I want to experience and cherish. I don't want to miss something wonderful when there is a chance I can overcome a situation. I don't want to see my friends and family in pain, and if they are in pain, I want to be there to help them out. Life is not always predictable. It does have heartbreaks, family conflicts, uncertain futures, but there is more to life than pain. I would ask God why did this happen, and sometimes I would get answers overtime, though I admit the answers I have may not be completed. Maybe I experience that pain to help someone else get through theirs or convince them to avoid making a decision that would hurt them even more. Maybe I experience that pain as a build of character for the harsher times. Maybe the pain is unavoidable because we live in a broken world of sin, and Jesus went through the most pain experience in the world by bearing all our sin on Him so that we could have a life without pain after we pass away in this world. Suffering is an experience everyone goes through, which makes it an universal emotion. The voice, "No understands me" could be a lie, especially when there are 7,8? billion people on earth who has a good chance they may have experience a similar situation you have-maybe exactly?
The main reason I want to write this out is because I am worried there people who had the same desire of thinking death as an escape, when it should be, Death be not proud. That is a poem by John Donnoe.
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery,
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
Was it coincidental for a high school senior like me to be randomly picked for this poem to analyze? AP LIT! (Literature, not smoking. I cannot handle smoke at all with my asthma)
Ah, mission. Good and bad times. I actually signed up to speak at a mental health panel at my high school on May 16, and I honestly worried I potentially go on a rant or some random side topic about funny high school memories. Even though it seems most people do well in terms of academics at mission, I find people at Berkeley giving me a reaction implying "You been through a lot of competition" whenever I mentioned my hometown name, which then implies Mission. Yep, the work load and the obsession of grades and difficult classes are the trademarks of mission mentality. I recently caught up with a high school friend of mine who asked me, "Do you often hang out with Mission people around here?" I replied, "At first, I want to for a sense of familiarity on the campus, but recently I'm more focused on making more friends. It's still nice to see them and catch up with them like you." When I pondered more on his question, I felt there was a subliminal question asking me, "Are you moving forward from high school?"
I want to say yes. Initially, I want the sense of familiarity and predictability high school has for comfort, but now I want the adventure and pleasant surprises college has. I guess I want to post up pictures showing how much fun I have that I thought I never got to experience before.
January
(I did not post this earlier...so....read it in terms of it's January)
The year of 2017, what lies in store for us, as a community, as a state, and as a nation?
For the nation, we have the inauguration coming up, and I hope a lot of people would be watching and intervening the things coming ahead in the next four years (what a way to spend my undergrad).
Even though the election's result revealed how polarized America is, some comforting words my history teacher offered would be that acknowledge the differences but move past them by channeling your emotions and ideas in a more meaningful way by volunteering and/or leading a community group or organization that overall benefits people who need aid. Another way is to tell your representatives in Congress, State Congress, city council, school council, parents, anyone your concerns on any situation that may negatively affect your community or offer suggestions. I emailed my City Council about the highway traffic on I-680 affecting the city, which is a top priority of my city and they told me about the metering lights they are planning to use in mid-December. Usually this information is hard to tell to the public when there are thousands of residents with their own businesses to do.
this post is not here to just tell you about how to get involve politically.
Lately, 2016 has been getting the bad reputation that it's a pretty bad year. I won't list the events why ( or else we be here crying/ debating whether or not it was bad).
But there is always there the positive side, even if it's hard to find.
I guess I share a few before 2017 starts in a few hours, including New Years resolution that famously rarely comes true.
Good things:
Closer friendships with people who I care about and cares about me. I learned what is consent, trust, and honesty in a painful way, but I am happy to be where I am now with family and friends.
Biking, walking more~experiencing more of my hometown and interests (especially anime and music)
...yeah, I don't really know what my resolutions were besides the generic kinds.
February
March
April
Overall, I want to keep on living because we never know what joy will come along.
I already finished my last day of instruction last Friday. A few hours before was the famous SIR deadline (and the day I submitted my appeal essay to UC Berkeley as did a few of my friends). I passed a few important dates to me last year that were mostly painful, since senior year of high school was painful in some ways. One of them was April 17, the day I really wanted to not exist anymore and every time I think about why I did not want to exist, what drove me to that level of desperation, I often find myself with conflicting answers ultimately agreeing that I am glad I am here today instead of having everything stop. I do not have those thoughts anymore at Berkeley. The stress levels here is much better than I what I faced back at high school, mainly because my schedule is light compared to most students. I also love the freedom and independence here: I can do whatever I want without supervision like hang out with friends at a boba place without worrying about making in time for curfew or hanging out with church friends up to midnight. It does not mean I'm partying (I have no party skills whatever) or acting careless on the streets. It means I'm becoming more independent. Oddly, the thought of why I don't want to exist pops up from time to time. Maybe I am afraid circumstances would drive me to the same brink again and I want a solid reason on why I need to continue.
Coming here at Berkeley, I already established unbreakable reasons. There is so much beauty in life that I want to experience and cherish. I don't want to miss something wonderful when there is a chance I can overcome a situation. I don't want to see my friends and family in pain, and if they are in pain, I want to be there to help them out. Life is not always predictable. It does have heartbreaks, family conflicts, uncertain futures, but there is more to life than pain. I would ask God why did this happen, and sometimes I would get answers overtime, though I admit the answers I have may not be completed. Maybe I experience that pain to help someone else get through theirs or convince them to avoid making a decision that would hurt them even more. Maybe I experience that pain as a build of character for the harsher times. Maybe the pain is unavoidable because we live in a broken world of sin, and Jesus went through the most pain experience in the world by bearing all our sin on Him so that we could have a life without pain after we pass away in this world. Suffering is an experience everyone goes through, which makes it an universal emotion. The voice, "No understands me" could be a lie, especially when there are 7,8? billion people on earth who has a good chance they may have experience a similar situation you have-maybe exactly?
The main reason I want to write this out is because I am worried there people who had the same desire of thinking death as an escape, when it should be, Death be not proud. That is a poem by John Donnoe.
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery,
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
Was it coincidental for a high school senior like me to be randomly picked for this poem to analyze? AP LIT! (Literature, not smoking. I cannot handle smoke at all with my asthma)
I want to say yes. Initially, I want the sense of familiarity and predictability high school has for comfort, but now I want the adventure and pleasant surprises college has. I guess I want to post up pictures showing how much fun I have that I thought I never got to experience before.
January
(I did not post this earlier...so....read it in terms of it's January)
The year of 2017, what lies in store for us, as a community, as a state, and as a nation?
For the nation, we have the inauguration coming up, and I hope a lot of people would be watching and intervening the things coming ahead in the next four years (what a way to spend my undergrad).
Even though the election's result revealed how polarized America is, some comforting words my history teacher offered would be that acknowledge the differences but move past them by channeling your emotions and ideas in a more meaningful way by volunteering and/or leading a community group or organization that overall benefits people who need aid. Another way is to tell your representatives in Congress, State Congress, city council, school council, parents, anyone your concerns on any situation that may negatively affect your community or offer suggestions. I emailed my City Council about the highway traffic on I-680 affecting the city, which is a top priority of my city and they told me about the metering lights they are planning to use in mid-December. Usually this information is hard to tell to the public when there are thousands of residents with their own businesses to do.
this post is not here to just tell you about how to get involve politically.
Lately, 2016 has been getting the bad reputation that it's a pretty bad year. I won't list the events why ( or else we be here crying/ debating whether or not it was bad).
But there is always there the positive side, even if it's hard to find.
I guess I share a few before 2017 starts in a few hours, including New Years resolution that famously rarely comes true.
Good things:
Closer friendships with people who I care about and cares about me. I learned what is consent, trust, and honesty in a painful way, but I am happy to be where I am now with family and friends.
Biking, walking more~experiencing more of my hometown and interests (especially anime and music)
...yeah, I don't really know what my resolutions were besides the generic kinds.
 |
| Yep, my first protest that I accidentally walked into because I was following a friend of my roommates. I still do not support that figurehead in the current administration. Environment rules! |
 |
| I am tiny. Taken by Y and her hair..Good friends |
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| Gracie and her son Jeremy who went missing at March 17, 2017 Friday. This is the last picture I took him......I'm still praying he comes back home. |
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| Out night strolling in a mall |
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| "Be Kind to Yourself" :D good thing to hear after my calculus midterm. |
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| Christina my baby cat (named after Christina Grimmie, who passed away on June 10,2016) |
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| Fogged up the lens when I took this picture at a research camp during my first retreat |
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| Snow, trees, amazing solo walk with God in the snow |
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| Beach on the Bay with Klesis, one of my fellowship groups Yes, I was splashed by the sea....it so cold and powerful |
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| Campfire! So fun and so beautiful like the milkway stars. |
w |
| Met Wesley Chan and Chris from Wong Fu Productions. So worth the trip! |
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| South African (around Cape Town) collection at UC Botanical garden.Planning to work there in the summer if I can get a job. |
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| I look so goofy.......but God and Science! |
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| Friends on my first Cal Day |
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| Goldman Environmental Prize Ceremony. Such amazing people! |
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| Fancy food in the SF City hall |
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| Lights are everywhere |
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| Go Bears! (and Golden State Warriors!) |
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| Diffraction of the headlights |
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| Babies |
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| Oak sapling |
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| Fragrant roses |
Overall, I want to keep on living because we never know what joy will come along.
Friday, December 23, 2016
December Shenagians
Hey guys!
Since 2017 is coming up, I want to give a little wrap up of what I experienced through in December. I honestly say the Ohlone college was pretty fun and relaxing, especially when I did not have to worry so much on classes. Instead I hung out with my friends, talk with my professors, and chill at the student lounge or the library. Of course, I be transferring over to UC Berkeley in January, so I want to share a few memories with you guys.
First off......never let a guy try out his ideas if it involves a waffle maker, cookie dough and fake cheese that never ever melts.
Because one of my friends watched a Youtube video of whether or not things can be cooked with a waffle maker, he has been meaning to make one. We made the cookie dough and placed them in a waffle maker, but we were not sure how long the cookie dough should be cooked because the waffle maker could be turned over. After we gave an estimated time of cooking the cookie dough, we opened it to see a big mush of chocolate, nuts, and dough that did not stick together well. Later we tried to make a quesadilla, but the cheese could not melt at all, even when we microwaved it for 2 minutes. (We just stopped eating the cheese altogether....)
Back at home, my mom saw my two cats Jeremy and his mother Gracie sleeping in her room. I got my scarf that I knitted and placed it over them. It was just too cute.
~Look into their eyes~
 |
| Jeremy |
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| Gracie |
On a side note, I also finished my Illustrator drawing of Kanade Tachibana from Angel Beats. I started drawing it in 10/28/6 up to 12/14/16 mainly because I was drawing whenever I could each week, spanning from 30 minutes to one hour or more. Also I tried to recall famous lessons from the Samuel Sze back in 11th grade who taught me the basic functions of Illustrator. I think I got a firmer grip on it now. (It doesn't mean I don't want to take the Introduction to Photoshop and Illustrator decal class).
Buzzing buzzing bee in my front yard on a jade bush.
Also if you guys caught me visiting my old high school on December 22, I sneaked into the beloved garden to take some pics of the succulents there and the flowers. Telegraphic lens to the action!
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Winding Down to Winter
Hi guys!
Since this is a photography blog, I shall balance out the writing with some photographs and a drawing I drew using Adobe Illustrator from my school along with photographs that I haven't share in a while. A lot has been going on lately, so I apologize for the delay.
Trigger warning: There are a lot of cat pictures. :D
Since this is a photography blog, I shall balance out the writing with some photographs and a drawing I drew using Adobe Illustrator from my school along with photographs that I haven't share in a while. A lot has been going on lately, so I apologize for the delay.
Trigger warning: There are a lot of cat pictures. :D
 |
| Sleeping Jeremy |
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| Curled up Jeremy |
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| Rain droplets |
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| View of UCB from the Sather Tower |
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| Penguins on a cake |
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| It's good to be a penguin |
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| Happy Birthday pic -taken by Lilian Guo on my DSLR camera |
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| My Teddy Bear and Cat |
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| Have some recycled tea |
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| Fresh Tulips |
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Philosophical Journal 10/13
Yes, I have not been writing about philosophy for a month of so. I shall pin the blame on English homework, psychology tests, U.S. history quizzes, photography work (paid and non paid), blah, blah, blah....
I got lazy.
That simple. However, due to circumstances, my history class today was cancelled. At first, I worried about the reason it was cancelled but rejoiced in the realization that I do not have to spend five, six hours from 8 am to 2 pm going to school, attending school, and going back home. Ever since I finished the first day of class, I realized why going to school on a Saturday morning is not a wise choice.
The irony of today was that I worked at a cake show (long story that I would not get into) from 9 am to 3 pm. At least, I earned money, admired pretty cakes, learned how to use PayPal on a tablet and a smartphone, and later embarrassed myself in an Italian restaurant. Apparently, licking a plate is not accepted in a formal restaurant neither is making failed origami creations using the black table cloths. Also since my family always take me to Asian restaurants, I yearned for chopsticks as I repeatedly stabbed my noodles with a fork because it does not pick up the penne ( Italian noodles..yes, I googled up the word). How do people use forks? Honestly, I do not care about eating according to social convention, since my family raised me to eat all of your food if you like it. I never learned about the proper to use spoons or forks, mostly because my kitchen has five spoons and no forks while amount of there are ∞ chopsticks in the house.
I guess I'm writing this all out as a warm-up and to share this memorable day.
Rain, keep raining. I want to see lighting in the sky! (I'm currently listening to raindrops outside my home, so I'm not imagining things)
October 13, 2016 Thursday
As an overview, my philosophy teacher talked a variety of historical philosophy, ranging from Eastern Philosophy (Confucius 孔子, Buddha, Lao-zi 老子) to Western Philosophy (Pre-Socratic, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle). After our exam, we learned about Scholastic Philosophy with archetypes such as Saint Augustine, Saint Anselm, Rene Descartes, John Locke and George Berkeley.
In terms of class material, my teacher Wayne went over empiricism, the belief that all knowledge is ultimately derived from sense experience and that all ideas can be traced to sense data. I felt empiricism is partially true because there is evidence that there are innate ideas and functions within us such as the function to breathe. In babies, no one taught them how to suckle for breast milk, yet they are able to with guidance from the mothers who bring their children close to them. However, innate ideas are mainly used for survival as we create our own ideas about the world through our senses and other people's ideas.
The archetype of empiricism is John Locke, nicknamed the father of empiricism, not the inventor. He claimed that all ideas came from sensation/reflection (the mind being aware of the environment) and abstraction (anyone's experiences), leaving no room of consideration for innate ideas. The idea of tabula rasa (blank, clean state) overall captures empiricism's theory that all ideas came from somewhere, similar to the corresponding theory of truth, which states that an idea is true if it can refer to things that actually exists. The rebuttal for this would be how we treat fictional characters as real life people such as Percy Jackson is the son of Poseidon and that he is dating Annabeth Chase (Yes, I'm a Percy Jackson fan!) and how we treat abstract concepts as reality like perfect circles. Personally, I felt the correspondence theory of truth is not applicable because people can perceive the same object under different facts. For example, light can be defined by scientists as an electromagnetic wave that has photons and be characterized by its duality, both a particle and both a wave. For others, light is the presence of God who opposes darkness. This example leads in the difference between direct and indirect realism.
Seeing the moon would be an example of direct realism because you are directly experiencing the light exactly the way it is, a bright little dot in black cloudy paper. Yeah, that ain't true. Indirect or representational realism states that what we experience through our senses is a representation of the external world, the world outside our minds. My teacher adamantly states, "This is one of the few times philosophy gets something absolutely correct." How so?
Let's say we see a cat, a cute fluffy cat sitting on a couch, sleeping all curled up. For nearsighted people who does not know there is a cat there may perceive the cat as a dog or a stuffed animal from afar. For those who know it is a cat may assume it is sleeping or licking itself. From merely seeing a cute cat, there are different interpretations. Another example I remembered back in 10th grade is when my English teacher taught my class about signifier and signified which was created by Ferdinand de SausssureI.
A signifier is a symbol of the object such as a drawing, word, stuffed animal or the origami tree.
A signified is the internal concept or idea that can vary between each perceiver. It can be the actual object or not.
For example, the word "tree" is a combination of the letters t, r and e, thus it is a signifier. It is not an actual tree, but the word represent the concept of a tree, which is the signified.
The flip side is the a signified can be a signifier, In the second example, the drawing of the tree has green and brown colors in some organized fashion, not the actual tree. Thus the drawing is a signifier. What it represents is the actual tree, which can be in different colors from the signified. A tree's bark does not necessarily have to be brown. It can be white like the birch tree.
Overall, signifier and signified represents representational idealism because what we perceive of the same object is not necessarily the same. During class, I have this concept in the back of my head, yet I could not recall its name until I looked back in my English notes.
Moving on to the next philosopher is George Berkeley. When my teacher told everyone that Berkeley is supposed to be pronunciated as Bark-ke-li and not Berk-ke-li, my head was saying Bo-ke-li. I later put this on the UCB's Overheard group and someone commented it as Broccoli.
Futhermore, sometimes it is not wise to trust on our senses portrayed by the McGurk effect, mirages and the shepard illusion. Funny story with the sound illusion. Because my parents got this new TV that allows you to have your computer, smartphone, tablet's videos on the TV, I pulled a prank on my parents by replacing their Korean drama with the auditory clip. I latter reassured them that it was me, not a hacker (but I admit I am a troller, hahahaha).
That's all I have for now. I think another reason I put off these post is because it takes me.....over five hours to write them out...
(ugh, I should not be an overachiever. I need to set low expectations).
Now............sleep.
The archetype of empiricism is John Locke, nicknamed the father of empiricism, not the inventor. He claimed that all ideas came from sensation/reflection (the mind being aware of the environment) and abstraction (anyone's experiences), leaving no room of consideration for innate ideas. The idea of tabula rasa (blank, clean state) overall captures empiricism's theory that all ideas came from somewhere, similar to the corresponding theory of truth, which states that an idea is true if it can refer to things that actually exists. The rebuttal for this would be how we treat fictional characters as real life people such as Percy Jackson is the son of Poseidon and that he is dating Annabeth Chase (Yes, I'm a Percy Jackson fan!) and how we treat abstract concepts as reality like perfect circles. Personally, I felt the correspondence theory of truth is not applicable because people can perceive the same object under different facts. For example, light can be defined by scientists as an electromagnetic wave that has photons and be characterized by its duality, both a particle and both a wave. For others, light is the presence of God who opposes darkness. This example leads in the difference between direct and indirect realism.
Seeing the moon would be an example of direct realism because you are directly experiencing the light exactly the way it is, a bright little dot in black cloudy paper. Yeah, that ain't true. Indirect or representational realism states that what we experience through our senses is a representation of the external world, the world outside our minds. My teacher adamantly states, "This is one of the few times philosophy gets something absolutely correct." How so?
Let's say we see a cat, a cute fluffy cat sitting on a couch, sleeping all curled up. For nearsighted people who does not know there is a cat there may perceive the cat as a dog or a stuffed animal from afar. For those who know it is a cat may assume it is sleeping or licking itself. From merely seeing a cute cat, there are different interpretations. Another example I remembered back in 10th grade is when my English teacher taught my class about signifier and signified which was created by Ferdinand de SausssureI.
A signifier is a symbol of the object such as a drawing, word, stuffed animal or the origami tree.
A signified is the internal concept or idea that can vary between each perceiver. It can be the actual object or not.
For example, the word "tree" is a combination of the letters t, r and e, thus it is a signifier. It is not an actual tree, but the word represent the concept of a tree, which is the signified.
The flip side is the a signified can be a signifier, In the second example, the drawing of the tree has green and brown colors in some organized fashion, not the actual tree. Thus the drawing is a signifier. What it represents is the actual tree, which can be in different colors from the signified. A tree's bark does not necessarily have to be brown. It can be white like the birch tree.
Overall, signifier and signified represents representational idealism because what we perceive of the same object is not necessarily the same. During class, I have this concept in the back of my head, yet I could not recall its name until I looked back in my English notes.
Moving on to the next philosopher is George Berkeley. When my teacher told everyone that Berkeley is supposed to be pronunciated as Bark-ke-li and not Berk-ke-li, my head was saying Bo-ke-li. I later put this on the UCB's Overheard group and someone commented it as Broccoli.
Yeah, I black out the faces and names so there would be no stalkers here. Besides, it's rude to do so without consent.
Anyway, his main idea was to counteract deism, the belief that God only created the universe and does not interfere with it, surmised by a famous quote by Elif Shafak,
“God is a meticulous clockmaker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die.”
What Berkeley did to fight against deism is vouch for idealism, which states that only ideas (sensible experiences and thought) exits, rejecting the external physical world and accepting the mental things. He coined the phrase "Esse est percipi", which means "To be is to be perceived." For example, if I do not see the due date for the a homework assignment, then it does not exist! Sadly, that is not true, but to refute it is challenging.Futhermore, sometimes it is not wise to trust on our senses portrayed by the McGurk effect, mirages and the shepard illusion. Funny story with the sound illusion. Because my parents got this new TV that allows you to have your computer, smartphone, tablet's videos on the TV, I pulled a prank on my parents by replacing their Korean drama with the auditory clip. I latter reassured them that it was me, not a hacker (but I admit I am a troller, hahahaha).
That's all I have for now. I think another reason I put off these post is because it takes me.....over five hours to write them out...
(ugh, I should not be an overachiever. I need to set low expectations).
Now............sleep.
Friday, September 2, 2016
Philosophy Journal 8/30
Hi guys!
As I mentioned before, I'm currently taking a philosophy class in my first semester of college, Honestly I'm a bit scared about this class mainly because I am not used to thinking so much about the situation in terms of specific definitions and components. In a way, I felt that my ideas such as my faith in God and my optimism will be challenged in this class, which can be a scary experience especially when I tied my ideas to my identity. Nevertheless, I am interested in the ideology out there and what is philosophy itself.
The main reason I want to write about my personal thoughts of the class is that I enjoy writing about my ideas (and sharing photographs) whether it be about struggles, advice, or out of interests. Also my teacher said he may offer extra credit on our journal reflections (Hahaha yes, this may be the underlying reason). Even if I do not receive the extra credit, I am genuinely interested of how my ideas will change during the semester.
Let's begin,
August 31, 2016 Tuesday
I learned what a philosopher is: A skinny, Asian dude with long hair.
I'm kidding, but that is what my professor Mr. Yuen said when he introduced the course to the class, along with the historical fact that half of the class dropped out by the end of the semester. Comforting, isn't it?
However I felt intrigued by the ideas he talked about when he explained about definitions, necessary and sufficient conditions, and what exactly is philosophy. He began the class with a simple question: what is a triangle? My head was thinking a polygon with three sides while the class and my professor drew shapes on the board. Three corners? Three lines? Three straight lines connecting each other? The definition of a triangle becomes more specific, and what contributes to the definition revealed to be the necessary conditions. When there are enough necessary conditions about an entity, then they become sufficient altogether to define the entity. Later on in the class, he brought out two thought experiments, one concerning about a life stimulation and another about a pill that affects a baby's life.
Would you want to plug into a machine that would give you the experience of a very good life, even though it's fiction?
Guess what? You're already in the machine already, Do you want to be out of it?
When my teacher presented the scenarios, I was thinking of The Truman Show, which stars Jim Carrey who plays Truman Burbank. Truman lives in a 24/7 TV show broadcasted worldwide, yet he is not aware that he is being watched or that his life has been manipulated nor watched. (Watch it; I will not put spoilers here).
Personally, I feel that if I can shape my life to what I wish would be too much power in general because I cannot know nor control the external factors that affect my life. I do not even know who I am enough to know what I need, and that would be my greatest mistake. I simply don't want to live my life as a lie. Where's the freedom in that? Even if I don't always like my situation in reality, I cannot let my struggles convince me that it is better to deceive myself because lie always fall apart.
The point of this thought experiment was to realize what you value: truth or comfort? The truth can be harsh as people say, which can contradict the saying that the truth sets you free. I think both ideas are valid in the point they do not promise you that you will comfortable with the truth. To me, it's necessary to know but hard to accept.
Second thought scenario.
Say you are going to have a baby and want a disabled child. Would you take the pill to damage the baby's brain?
Or do you want to take a pill to increase the baby's IQ by 24 points?
"Don't mess with the baby." my mind retorted back. The mere thought of a couple wanting to modify their child to be come disabled makes me shudder, mainly because I already experienced the pain of my parents and my older brother, who is diagnosed with cerebral palsy and spastic diplegia. These two main conditions render the right side of my brother's body stiff, affecting his ability to move well. Raising a disabled child is not what every parent wants, especially when we keep thinking, "Why aren't you born normally?" But we cannot control that (in my knowledge) and asking that question reminds me how foolish and painful it is. Another part of me wanted to inform the hypothetical couple that they can gladly adopt a child who has a disability, which can make his or her life joyful.
As for the other scenario, I thought about how my dad likes to say to me, "You got my science genes. Where are your math genes?" . I hope that every parent want their children to be successful, but the idea of boosting their IQ shows what the parents value and how desperate. In another sense, it showed what the society valued. As I thought about it, I then remembered an advertisement my AP English told the class when we read Brave New World. The ad titled "Genius Asian Egg Donor Needed - $20,000 Compensation" stated:
"We are a couple seeking an Asian egg donor to help build our family. You should have or be working on a university degree from a world-class university, you should have high standardized test scores, and preferably have some outstanding achievements and awards. We prefer Asian race, such as Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese. You should be between 18-35 years old.
We are happy to pay you well above market compensation for your egg donation.
An example of our ideal egg donor: 21 year old Chinese MIT student with A grade point average, near-perfect SAT score, several awards in high school and university. She wants to be an egg donor in order to help bring a child into the world with the same special gifts she has.
Your eggs will be fertilized with sperm from the husband, and the resulting embryos used to impregnate the wife, or possibly a surrogate mother.
About us: we are a highly educated couple, but we are unable to have children due to infertility of the wife. The husband is a highly accomplished scientist/mathematician and businessman, the wife has a good university degree. The husband is of European race.
We value education, and we live in one of the best school districts in the world. We hope that our child will be a top student, as each of us was, and that he/she will be able to go to university at MIT or Caltech or Stanford or other top university.
For more information, please email us williamn@alumni.stanford.edu
Thank you for helping us build our family."
.........
Yep, the response of my classmates back in good old 6th period of my senior year.
The ad was published on November 30, 2012, so not too long ago. After it was published, there was an article named Opinion: GUEST COLUMN: ‘Genius Asian Egg Donor’ ad is offensive about the discrimination of this ad, aiming at Asian women deemed as smart, young and debt-ridden. The article pointed that MIT has also submitted a similar ad back in 1999, but that alone should not be a clear reason why such requests should be allowed. Near the end of the article, it even suspected the couple to be lying their intentions, suggested by the racism and sexism used in the ad.
Back to the thought experiment, the idea of conditioning "people" into the ideal image brought me back to Brave New World. When I first asked my friends about the book before I read it, they chuckled when they simply said "Sex." I could tell they did not read the book at all, not even the first page. (Sigh) The book was so much more, conditioning, intimacy, mass production, efficiency, emotional expression, history, philosophy, (blah blah I think my teacher would be proud of me remembering her discussions on the book here, until she read this sentence. Opps). But it did raise the question that if you modify the baby or even a person against their wishes to simply fit a defined purpose, then is that considered morally right or wrong? (This question itself can lead me talking about the Plato's cave allegory, or whether or not God, parents, people should shape us. I could, but this is a lengthy analysis already and I'm tired. It's almost midnight. I want to sleep before my 9:00 am class tomorrow. Maybe on another day). Yeah, it was a fun English class. Still I enjoyed my teacher's video of his harlequin cat sucking the air. Cat. Love cats. Cat.
After class, my friend and I later discussed about the thought experiments such as the struggle shown in Gattica, which discusses parents shaping their child by optimizing their genes and how children born without the gene modification are discriminated. It raises questions about whether or not should we modify genes in humans, playing like God, or whether the act of it simply does not optimizes society and get rid of its problems. He also mentioned that if the parents use the IQ pill, then other parents would do the same thing and the children would still be considered normal. As we talked about things, he started joking about the necessary conditions I must state in order for my idea to be valid. Hmm, I have a feeling we're in a one crazy ride this semester.
I guess one thing I want to add before it's midnight. I watched the film 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi later that night, as I was stunned of how much valor and endurance the soldiers have as they fought against the Libyan rebels on 9/11 2012. I thought about the necessary conditions they made as they choose to disobey orders and fight with almost no protection nor support besides each other. The pain, the sacrifice, the loss, no wonder they are all retired. The quote, "All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you." by Joseph Campbell lingered afterwards, and it reminded me how the search for something bigger may happen in ourselves, fighting and driving us insane. It really makes you wonder that maybe the answer to the question, "What is the meaning of life?" lies in you, or it's 42. Hahahaha, I'm alluding to The Hitchhiker Guide's to the Galaxy.
Honestly, Rafael I'm going to give you credit for recommending these books and movies to me. Well only for the hitchhiker one and Truman Show here.
Now bedtime.
Update September 3, 2016
I guess some things I can add to the journal is discussing the Plato's cave allegory that my English teacher taught us. The allegory describes how people are aware of their surrounding up to a certain extent. Imagine a group of people in a cave with their heads and feet chain, prohibiting them to move around and look behind them. Meanwhile they're are looking at a cave wall of shadows cast from objects and puppeteers behind a fire. (I feel the website hyperlink explains this clearer than me. This is just a generalization). The people in the cave can surmise what the shadows represent, but they only perceive the shadows not the actual objects until they are free to do. But do they want to know the truth? Would they rather be fine with their current conditions and roles in the cave?
As I mentioned before, I'm currently taking a philosophy class in my first semester of college, Honestly I'm a bit scared about this class mainly because I am not used to thinking so much about the situation in terms of specific definitions and components. In a way, I felt that my ideas such as my faith in God and my optimism will be challenged in this class, which can be a scary experience especially when I tied my ideas to my identity. Nevertheless, I am interested in the ideology out there and what is philosophy itself.
The main reason I want to write about my personal thoughts of the class is that I enjoy writing about my ideas (and sharing photographs) whether it be about struggles, advice, or out of interests. Also my teacher said he may offer extra credit on our journal reflections (Hahaha yes, this may be the underlying reason). Even if I do not receive the extra credit, I am genuinely interested of how my ideas will change during the semester.
Let's begin,
August 31, 2016 Tuesday
I learned what a philosopher is: A skinny, Asian dude with long hair.
I'm kidding, but that is what my professor Mr. Yuen said when he introduced the course to the class, along with the historical fact that half of the class dropped out by the end of the semester. Comforting, isn't it?
However I felt intrigued by the ideas he talked about when he explained about definitions, necessary and sufficient conditions, and what exactly is philosophy. He began the class with a simple question: what is a triangle? My head was thinking a polygon with three sides while the class and my professor drew shapes on the board. Three corners? Three lines? Three straight lines connecting each other? The definition of a triangle becomes more specific, and what contributes to the definition revealed to be the necessary conditions. When there are enough necessary conditions about an entity, then they become sufficient altogether to define the entity. Later on in the class, he brought out two thought experiments, one concerning about a life stimulation and another about a pill that affects a baby's life.
Would you want to plug into a machine that would give you the experience of a very good life, even though it's fiction?
Guess what? You're already in the machine already, Do you want to be out of it?
When my teacher presented the scenarios, I was thinking of The Truman Show, which stars Jim Carrey who plays Truman Burbank. Truman lives in a 24/7 TV show broadcasted worldwide, yet he is not aware that he is being watched or that his life has been manipulated nor watched. (Watch it; I will not put spoilers here).
Personally, I feel that if I can shape my life to what I wish would be too much power in general because I cannot know nor control the external factors that affect my life. I do not even know who I am enough to know what I need, and that would be my greatest mistake. I simply don't want to live my life as a lie. Where's the freedom in that? Even if I don't always like my situation in reality, I cannot let my struggles convince me that it is better to deceive myself because lie always fall apart.
The point of this thought experiment was to realize what you value: truth or comfort? The truth can be harsh as people say, which can contradict the saying that the truth sets you free. I think both ideas are valid in the point they do not promise you that you will comfortable with the truth. To me, it's necessary to know but hard to accept.
Second thought scenario.
Say you are going to have a baby and want a disabled child. Would you take the pill to damage the baby's brain?
Or do you want to take a pill to increase the baby's IQ by 24 points?
"Don't mess with the baby." my mind retorted back. The mere thought of a couple wanting to modify their child to be come disabled makes me shudder, mainly because I already experienced the pain of my parents and my older brother, who is diagnosed with cerebral palsy and spastic diplegia. These two main conditions render the right side of my brother's body stiff, affecting his ability to move well. Raising a disabled child is not what every parent wants, especially when we keep thinking, "Why aren't you born normally?" But we cannot control that (in my knowledge) and asking that question reminds me how foolish and painful it is. Another part of me wanted to inform the hypothetical couple that they can gladly adopt a child who has a disability, which can make his or her life joyful.
As for the other scenario, I thought about how my dad likes to say to me, "You got my science genes. Where are your math genes?" . I hope that every parent want their children to be successful, but the idea of boosting their IQ shows what the parents value and how desperate. In another sense, it showed what the society valued. As I thought about it, I then remembered an advertisement my AP English told the class when we read Brave New World. The ad titled "Genius Asian Egg Donor Needed - $20,000 Compensation" stated:
"We are a couple seeking an Asian egg donor to help build our family. You should have or be working on a university degree from a world-class university, you should have high standardized test scores, and preferably have some outstanding achievements and awards. We prefer Asian race, such as Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese. You should be between 18-35 years old.
We are happy to pay you well above market compensation for your egg donation.
An example of our ideal egg donor: 21 year old Chinese MIT student with A grade point average, near-perfect SAT score, several awards in high school and university. She wants to be an egg donor in order to help bring a child into the world with the same special gifts she has.
Your eggs will be fertilized with sperm from the husband, and the resulting embryos used to impregnate the wife, or possibly a surrogate mother.
About us: we are a highly educated couple, but we are unable to have children due to infertility of the wife. The husband is a highly accomplished scientist/mathematician and businessman, the wife has a good university degree. The husband is of European race.
We value education, and we live in one of the best school districts in the world. We hope that our child will be a top student, as each of us was, and that he/she will be able to go to university at MIT or Caltech or Stanford or other top university.
For more information, please email us williamn@alumni.stanford.edu
Thank you for helping us build our family."
.........
Yep, the response of my classmates back in good old 6th period of my senior year.
The ad was published on November 30, 2012, so not too long ago. After it was published, there was an article named Opinion: GUEST COLUMN: ‘Genius Asian Egg Donor’ ad is offensive about the discrimination of this ad, aiming at Asian women deemed as smart, young and debt-ridden. The article pointed that MIT has also submitted a similar ad back in 1999, but that alone should not be a clear reason why such requests should be allowed. Near the end of the article, it even suspected the couple to be lying their intentions, suggested by the racism and sexism used in the ad.
Back to the thought experiment, the idea of conditioning "people" into the ideal image brought me back to Brave New World. When I first asked my friends about the book before I read it, they chuckled when they simply said "Sex." I could tell they did not read the book at all, not even the first page. (Sigh) The book was so much more, conditioning, intimacy, mass production, efficiency, emotional expression, history, philosophy, (blah blah I think my teacher would be proud of me remembering her discussions on the book here, until she read this sentence. Opps). But it did raise the question that if you modify the baby or even a person against their wishes to simply fit a defined purpose, then is that considered morally right or wrong? (This question itself can lead me talking about the Plato's cave allegory, or whether or not God, parents, people should shape us. I could, but this is a lengthy analysis already and I'm tired. It's almost midnight. I want to sleep before my 9:00 am class tomorrow. Maybe on another day). Yeah, it was a fun English class. Still I enjoyed my teacher's video of his harlequin cat sucking the air. Cat. Love cats. Cat.
After class, my friend and I later discussed about the thought experiments such as the struggle shown in Gattica, which discusses parents shaping their child by optimizing their genes and how children born without the gene modification are discriminated. It raises questions about whether or not should we modify genes in humans, playing like God, or whether the act of it simply does not optimizes society and get rid of its problems. He also mentioned that if the parents use the IQ pill, then other parents would do the same thing and the children would still be considered normal. As we talked about things, he started joking about the necessary conditions I must state in order for my idea to be valid. Hmm, I have a feeling we're in a one crazy ride this semester.
I guess one thing I want to add before it's midnight. I watched the film 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi later that night, as I was stunned of how much valor and endurance the soldiers have as they fought against the Libyan rebels on 9/11 2012. I thought about the necessary conditions they made as they choose to disobey orders and fight with almost no protection nor support besides each other. The pain, the sacrifice, the loss, no wonder they are all retired. The quote, "All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you." by Joseph Campbell lingered afterwards, and it reminded me how the search for something bigger may happen in ourselves, fighting and driving us insane. It really makes you wonder that maybe the answer to the question, "What is the meaning of life?" lies in you, or it's 42. Hahahaha, I'm alluding to The Hitchhiker Guide's to the Galaxy.
Honestly, Rafael I'm going to give you credit for recommending these books and movies to me. Well only for the hitchhiker one and Truman Show here.
Now bedtime.
Update September 3, 2016
I guess some things I can add to the journal is discussing the Plato's cave allegory that my English teacher taught us. The allegory describes how people are aware of their surrounding up to a certain extent. Imagine a group of people in a cave with their heads and feet chain, prohibiting them to move around and look behind them. Meanwhile they're are looking at a cave wall of shadows cast from objects and puppeteers behind a fire. (I feel the website hyperlink explains this clearer than me. This is just a generalization). The people in the cave can surmise what the shadows represent, but they only perceive the shadows not the actual objects until they are free to do. But do they want to know the truth? Would they rather be fine with their current conditions and roles in the cave?
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Experimenting my DSLR
Hi guys! How are your school years, so far?
I recently started college, and it has been pretty chill though I'm not used to having a class once a day, reading assignments with twenty pages's worth of content, and papers. Typical, I'm guessing, especially for humanity courses I'm taking: psychology, english, philosophy, and U.S. History. A new thing I have started is riding a bike to school every day because I knew I should exercise and reduce my carbon footprint. The downside to this is I never imagine going uphill for around thirty minutes would render me a bit sweaty for class. Hey, at least I got a biking buddy, so that biking can be a bit more fun.
Anyway...
If you have seen me talking pictures, you may have seen me snapping around with a DSLR 3300 camera. Because I learned how to use my camera, I took two online courses at Coursera called Camera Control and Seeing Through Photographs. I enjoy both of these classes, especially on how the content relates to the techniques and meaning of photography.
What I mean is I'm not only learning on how to take a picture, but also how to take a meaningful picture. The shutter speed, aperture, framing, subject space, blur, lines, etc, are all part of how the picture is captured and interpreted, whether or not photography is used for documentary purposes and/or artistic expressions. It is important to know more about the photographer's objective and background to gain a deeper understanding of the pictures they take, or not, depending on you viewed it.
Since I'm currently learning Philosophy, the idea of "your opinion is the truth, depending on your stance" is called relativism. In a way, I find it annoying and not a solid argument. What's funny about it that my philosophy textbook stated that the authors themselves argued back that it's their opinion that relativism is wrong and an excuse to not delve into the question thoughtfully.
So I hope through these photographs I have taken, you can think about how they make you feel.
I was outside and exploring the neighborhood, and I found the lights of this walkway to be mesmerizing with its circular patterns.
I was on an evening walk with my mother, and I happened to spot these beautiful Dahlia (again not so sure) on someone's front yard.
August 27, 2016
As part of my photography course, my classmates and I were asked to take a motion-blurred picture. Since this is the first time I was using a camera that allowed me to manually adjust the shutter speed, I went full-blown on the topic--except I was not sure what to take a picture of. After I thought about it, I decided to take overlap pictures of the origami rose and quick drawing for around minutes. Originally the flower I drew took me less than thirty seconds, and my intention that the motion of my hands would be shown in the picture. Instead, I got a white blur around the picture and I decided that it would be a waste of paper to try again. (This was my third time). In the end, I realized it was not a motion-blurred picture, but I shall try again!!!
August 31, 2016
Pondering about my motion-blurred homework, I decided to visit the creek in my hometown to see if there is still water there since there is the ongoing California drought and the creek has dried up before. I was surprised there was water, so I tried to take a four second long picture with out a tripod. What I learned is that I can use the camera strap and the rocks as an impromptu tripod. Plus I accidentally dropped my mom's sandal in the creek, but it did not get wet. I then thought to use the sandal in the picture because I felt like the picture overall show my sense of adventure to keep traveling and exploring nature with the sandal and water flowing underneath.
After I got back home, I petted my cat Gracie and took this picture quickly before she walked away. Overall, love my cats.
Cats.
I recently started college, and it has been pretty chill though I'm not used to having a class once a day, reading assignments with twenty pages's worth of content, and papers. Typical, I'm guessing, especially for humanity courses I'm taking: psychology, english, philosophy, and U.S. History. A new thing I have started is riding a bike to school every day because I knew I should exercise and reduce my carbon footprint. The downside to this is I never imagine going uphill for around thirty minutes would render me a bit sweaty for class. Hey, at least I got a biking buddy, so that biking can be a bit more fun.
Anyway...
If you have seen me talking pictures, you may have seen me snapping around with a DSLR 3300 camera. Because I learned how to use my camera, I took two online courses at Coursera called Camera Control and Seeing Through Photographs. I enjoy both of these classes, especially on how the content relates to the techniques and meaning of photography.
What I mean is I'm not only learning on how to take a picture, but also how to take a meaningful picture. The shutter speed, aperture, framing, subject space, blur, lines, etc, are all part of how the picture is captured and interpreted, whether or not photography is used for documentary purposes and/or artistic expressions. It is important to know more about the photographer's objective and background to gain a deeper understanding of the pictures they take, or not, depending on you viewed it.
Since I'm currently learning Philosophy, the idea of "your opinion is the truth, depending on your stance" is called relativism. In a way, I find it annoying and not a solid argument. What's funny about it that my philosophy textbook stated that the authors themselves argued back that it's their opinion that relativism is wrong and an excuse to not delve into the question thoughtfully.
So I hope through these photographs I have taken, you can think about how they make you feel.
 |
| August 14, 2016 Path of lights |
 |
| August 15, 2016 Dahlia (I think) |
 |
| August 15, 2016 I also think it may be a Dahlia |
August 27, 2016
 |
| Rose origami overlap |
 |
| Colorful rose origami overlap |
August 31, 2016
 |
| Silk water |
 |
| Stepping Stones |
 |
| Gracie Love my cats |
Cats.
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