Fallen Away & Returning --- Part 1

Hey guys!

Since I want this to be a continuous blog, I want to write in separate chapters: I haven't written since my first chapter, but I thought as a new year's revolution (or is it resolution?) to start writing about spiritual matters and my walk with God and the struggles and joys of being a Christian. Frankly, I was not as close to a church before I started going to college, but my church really encourage me to explore my relationship with God. A lot of interesting questions have came by such as what is missionary, the representation of Christ in my life and my environment, and the boundary of respecting one's wishes to not know about God and urging one towards Christ.

August 25, 2017 from 12 to 1:30 am

This would be an interesting blog post. mainly because I want to dedicate to writing about my experience about something that I have been struggling with a long time, something that I never really spoken out loud in fear of being called out as narrow-minded, too idealistic or plain naive.

However, I feel that the Lord is calling me to write about my struggles, especially when I see a lot of people falling away from God. Knowing people who fall away from God made yearn to understand why people want to fall away from Him or would turn away from me whenever I mentioned Jesus or God. It feels painful to know that someone rejects God, but even myself have fallen away from God in amidst of my bitterness and yearning to belong with everyone else. When I was straying away from God, thinking I know enough and survived with friends and family, I then realized that everyone around me is searching for something or someone to fill a hole. It is a hole that only Jesus can fill, and those who have not struggle so much were those who follow God steadfastly.  I would find myself asking them to remind me to stay with God and to let out my strife to them. I remember one time in senior year in high school I visited my beloved teacher and cried in front of him because I was so heartbroken of having a friendship I cherished so much be broken by distance and nonavailability. When I was crying, my teacher prayed for me and listened to me, and it reminded why I need to be with God. At that time, I still was not in a church ever since my family stopped going in 2010 and the Christian club I was in was going through struggles of holding together due to lack of membership and poor planning. I did not feel really connected to God, but I know I need to. I continue to struggle, trying to pray more, trying to read the Bible more, trying to be honest with God, trying to be a Christian. However, I still feel like I fail.

One lingering feeling that always drags me down is how to talk to other people about God. Here in the Bay Area, there are many ideas floating around about Christianity, often misconstrued and packaged as way for people to categorize and handle anyone who is called as a Christian. Walking around wearing my "Jesus is Enough" shirt does not feel safe around here sometimes. I feel like people are analyzing me and my intentions as if I have to act a certain way for them to know how Christians act. I'm not sure what they expect, but I often feel stuck when they asked me why is Jesus enough. I remember the verse, "But when they hand you over, do not worry about how to respond or what to say. In that hour you will be given what to say, For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you" (Matthew 10: 19-20 NIV). After I hesitated for a solid ten seconds, I give a wimpy answer like "This world is broken and full of pain and Jesus can take the pain away" while the person gives me an unconvinced face. I feel defeated and wonder where is the Holy Spirit or that I did not let the Holy Spirit to speak with me because I still have frustration towards God. I am not sure honestly, but this moment does bring up to another point: I want to help people to be saved, but they do not want to....and that hurts me especially those who said they know God and stuff, but do not pursue them. I admit I am, was one of them (you can tell I am not confident in myself hahaha) but it is something that continues to drags in my mind.

I heard countless times on why people criticize about God and Christianity especially when there's the concept of people who do not believe in Jesus be sent to hell. Man, I can list them like the criticism of the verse of stoning adulterers, no homosexuality allowed, how restrictive and disrespectful of forcing people into Christianity, how those who are Christians are not acting like Jesus and are hypocritical (and have a political association),  the Bible is a myth with no historical evidence (and there is historical evidence, more than The Iliad https://carm.org/manuscript-evidence ),  the Christian fellowships are cults, too divisive with many denominations (my personal complaint since there is one body of Christ, so there should be one denomination which is why I did not put down my religion in the SAT questionnaire), and there is evidence that God does not exist with philosophical proofs likes Kierkegaard's proof that God's existence cannot be proven and the possibility of extending human lives and exploring other universes and forces that explains why certain "miracles" happen as an unknown reason that does not acknowledge God, how come does God allow suffering to happen, and most of all: telling the people we love that they will go to hell for not believing in God while those who say they are Christian act as if they do not deserve heaven compared to those who do not believe in God....

You can tell I have done some listening to people since I cannot come up with this list myself or with Google.

But I am at a point where I need to be vocal about God. I am not the type of person to argue and would sometimes resort to self-preservation to protect myself, but I'm getting tired of listening to people criticize about God and Jesus and me doing nothing about it other than shrugging it off.

I do want to say that this idea came after reading about the Bible specifically James 1 and 2 on August 25, 2017 and editing my mom's book Within the Veil, which is a book ya all should read! But I think most of it came from the desire to talk about God. If I am still wimpy and stuttering in my words, then I can at least write a smashing blog article as my roommate is sleeping.

I want to leave off this mini chapter with my idea: problems faced when straying away from God and hanging out with people who have similar struggles along with stories of how the people around you can affect your relationship with God.

I should mention my bursts of writing moments comes sporadically; I cannot predict when I can write the next one but it would be nice to simply write out my ideas without fear of sleeping in too late.
Goodnight! -1:26 am (btw I am surprised I can write without looking at my keyboard in my dark room)


January 7, 2018 3:28pm to  4:48pm

I am back from my church in Oakland, and I don't think I ever attended two different  churches consecutively. Yesterday I went to Crossroads in my hometown and today Christian Layman in Oakland. Yesterday I sat with my family and today I mixed in the worship music on a soundtrack with help from a church friend on the sound board team. My family was wondering why I would go to the church in Oakland, and I replied that I made a commitment to serve the soundboard team. Plus I wanted to see how my friends are doing. It was nice to see my little friend Emi. I was surprised she knew I was upstairs with the mixer and I got a bit scared when she moved all the buttons, dials and volume levels around. Praise the Lord I saved the settings beforehand with the help of my sound board team. During the rehearsal and service, I felt anxious that I may not have set up the soundboard correctly especially with the equalizer and gain for each person's voice. The insecurity and fear that I have ruin the first service of the year made me panicky, but I realized halfway the service that I am not the only one who is nervous and that I should not focus on messing up the service but more on God's message and lesson for me and for everyone. The message was on the meaning and purpose of a Sabbath, and how ministry is allowed on Sabbath, a day of rest. The reason Pastor Calvin mentioned this point is because of this passage:

"'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'"-Matthew 11:28-30 &

"At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry and began to pick some heads of grain and eat them. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to him, 'Look! Your disciples are doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath.' He answered,' Haven't you read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? He entered the house of God, and he and his companions ate the consecrated bread-which was not lawful for them to do, but only for the priests. Or haven't you read in the Law that the priests on Sabbath day in the temple desecrate the Sabbath and yet are innocent? I tell you that something greater than the temple is here. If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent. For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.' Going on from that place, he went into their synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Looking for a reason to bring charges against Jesus, they asked him, 'Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?' He said to them, 'If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.' Then he said to the man, 'Stretch out your hand.' So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. But the Pharisees went out and plotted how they might kill Jesus." -Matthew 12: 1-13 NIV.

Yes, that is a long passage to copy by hand, but what struck out to me was the emphasis to rest but also do God's ministry without going into technicalities of labeling everything as work. I remembered back in middle school, I would be sad that I treat Sundays as catch-up homework days or cramming-tests days instead of using it to study God's Word or go to church. I would wondered what Christ like people do on Sabbath days, besides going to church, would do. A part of me envisioned people simply sitting in comfy chair reading the Bible or sleeping without worrying about work. Another part of me felt the first part is more realistic than the latter mainly because I felt worrying is a huge problem I have. I have this pessimistic saying back in high school whenever I replied to a friend of mine who tells me to relax:
I will relax when I am dead or I can only relax in heaven because no matter what I do I still have this pestering thought in my head.

After going through a semester more of school, I felt that work cycle is getting tiresome. My calculus friend agree with my statement that we can only relax when we are dead because there would be no work. Even though he is the only person who agree with my statement, I felt sad because we both acknowledge the work cycle and not really the Sabbath because the Sabbath is a time for rest. Rest is not emphasized in the environment we live in especially with the pressing needs to mature and find more work or make our time productive. I find later in a technological world, rest becomes shorter and shorter with pressing messages from work, friends, school, family matters and anything from Youtube subscriptions to news articles. Often I wonder what is rest, and a little middle school me would chime enjoying spending time with God.

I then wondered if I like the Pharisees warp the idea and importance of rest into something that fits my perspective and workaholic lifestyle.
After taking a good look at myself, I do.

Which brings me back to the first passage Matthew 11: 28-30. I vividly remembered my dear high school teacher Mr. Vierk sharing about the importance of rest through Jesus. I was a high school senior burdened with overloading schoolwork and college applications that when I heard Mr. Vierk's message, I literally plummeted my head into a friend's nearby backpack. I felt that my facade of having everything together falling apart when I realized how sick I was of always working and not relying on God for strength. My pride did not want to accept the truth that I was falling apart, but my body could not hold up. Now, I see I have improved a bit. Internally I felt I need to manage time well and reduce time commitment to la-la-la-lu things, but my friends would say that I have a calming presence (and that I'm twelve years old). During dead week, I was studying with my friend in her room and I was doing my organic chem homework that was given out a month ago (yes yes bad idea to do hw so late), and she told me I have a calming presence. Because I heard that remark numerous times before, I asked her what she had meant. She then said that out of her friends, I was not too worried nor competitive as them, that I was chill and not focused on finding internships or getting all A's in school to the point I'll be obsessed. Her words struck out to me because we both went to a competitive high school that festers that harmful kind of thinking of the work cycle that I mentioned earlier. I thought I still bear that kind of thinking, but hearing her words helped me realize I changed, that I was not as worried as I was before. Or maybe I worried about the important matters at hand?

I often do this reality check, especially since I live in California. When the next big earthquake happens, what would be important to me?  What the things and people I'm focusing on be important to me at that moment? Would that be worth it compared to God?

I feel like asking these kinds of questions helps me remember my life is not my own but God's. For a person who struggles having a relationship to God, that could be hard to admit because it is hard to give up on certain lifestyles, interests, reputations, and goals we have. None of us like having the idea of losing all the handwork we have, but we should when our work is leading us back into the never ending cycle instead of a time of rest.

So rest like my cat Gracie!

Happy new Years everyone!

Fall 2017 Wrap up

Hello everyone!

I realized I haven't posted on my blog for a good...two months......some months...okay a whole semester. Organic chemistry along with volunteer and work kicked in pretty early in the semester, but I am pretty amazed of how much things can changed quickly both in a positive and in a sad light. Earlier this semester, I was writing about spiritually falling away (which is still in progress since I need to organize some ideas I have) and I stopped using my laptop as frequently as I could have. That was the last time I touched Blogspot, and now I have free time to reflect and share my thoughts publicly. I'm currently on Winter Break. So...let's begin with my favorite quote.

September 2017

Taken by Elizabeth Xu

I visited my high school friend who's now a Golden Bear at Cal during her orientation. We visited BAMPFA for the first time and saw a clown exhibit, mental health quotes, and impressionist art. I haven't seen her for two, three years, so it was amazing to hang out with her and meet her new friends at ucha, which is a good milk tea shop. After I left to go back home for dinner, I ran into dear old friend named Pink Cloud whom I haven't seen for a few months. He used to live on the streets and we would talked to each other for hours back in my first semester. He shared why he disappeared and personal stories he had. Our conversation was short, since I was going to visit my housemate and friend Sam. I caught up with him at the co-op when he was about to leave, so praise the Lord for serendipity! We walked and visited a performance from AFX, which is a dance group on campus. Seeing the performance made me not want to try out after seeing the provocative movements from the dancers. Sam and I left early to go to my co-op, and we chatted for a bit before he had to walk back to his place. I walked back to my room to where my roommate was chilling around, excited to start the semester.

The semester overall....was .....hard.......with ..........organic chemistry.

But the times I had were rewarding. I made new friends in my calculus course, especially one I met in my discussion. We talked before and during lecture on random topics like his fav Kingdom of Hearts and Dragon Ball Z (I learned what they are from him), the importance of sleep, friend stuff, church, what we did over the weekend, and naps. Sometimes I would bring my DSLR for the Daily Cal and take pictures of him and his dorm friend. I did not knew he was an econ and stats major,There was a point I used his shoulder to nap on since I would do my math homework from 12am-3am (7 hours before it is due) and cram my prelab in the day. This horrific routine soon sucked up a lot of energy from me, while my friend kept his homework in check (which I deeply admire).  In lecture, I would sometimes take notes or doodle on his notebook (and nap) with his dorm friend. We started a trend that his dorm friend, he and I would go to some random restaurant south of campus and grab some lunch. It is so nice to take some time off from school and get to know the two well. I really hope to see them again next semester. Honestly, I look forward to moments like these when my semester took a downturn from time to time.

And...because I am close to home, I visit my friends and family. With the thanks of Raf and Asta, we all got to go Quarry Lake and see the amazing view of the lake with the geese and the sunset. I am proud of Asta being an independent woman and pursuing her dream of graphic design. Just want to give a shoutout to her and to the Lord for reminding her that is she is loved by God. Seeing this picture visualizes my faith in her.

October 2017
Church, my favorite part of the week other than going back home. Christian Layman Church in Oakland :D

Funny thing that it took me a couple of months (starting in June 2017) to learn how to use the sound board and understand the setup thanks to the sound team.  I do get nervous using the sound board but I get to do it behind the scenes on the second floor and I am happy to serve God on the worship team. I am really thankful to God for providing me an excellent church family and with my Inter varsity family.

Sadly in October we have the North Cal fires (and now the South Cal fires). Whenever I see a bright orange red sun, there is a sense of dread and apprehension in me yet it is beautiful. Usually when the sun changes color like so, there is something in the atmosphere like smog that cause the color appearance. After taking couple of pictures for the Daily Cal, I ran upstairs to the roof and saw this red sun and I practiced using the manual setting on the sun, trying to get as much redness as I can possibly get.

Co-op Co-op life! With a Snorlax! From a housemate (mainly because I crashed his room whenever I wanna chat with him. I am so happy to get such clear resolution on this plushie. And it is so cute that you want to use it as a pillow.

Dwinelle Hall...A lot of memories of simply waiting in this hallway for Math 1B.

Did I mentioned I attended a cake show? Well I worked there for my friend's mother in Livermore, and it was beautiful to see the cake decorations. The theme of the cake show was masquerade (which fits Phantom of the Opera) and here are a favorite parts of the show. I was excited to practice using manual mode to focus on the cake decorations. For this particular one, the cake was spectacular with cake figures around all around the cake on three levels. It had lights, a rotating dance floor and popping mice wearing eye masks. It was wonderful to see these cakes while I was struggling in school.

Plus I went to the Exploratium for my birthday with my friend in SF. I took many videos instead of pictures since in the Exploratium, everything moves around with puzzles, gizmos, machinery and little children. I remember going there with my older brother and his caretaker with his wife (and I drove them all crazy since I could never sit nor stand still). My favorite parts of the museum are the toilet drinking, tornado tunnel, Daisy the early talking computer, and simply spending time with my friend (as we lament of not coming here earlier before we took our physics course in high school).

Who can forget the Maldora flower opening in the UCB Botanical Garden. The smell wasn't too pungent for me, but it was really hot that day. It was so amazing to see the flower and its leaf side by side, but the sad part is that there are not many Maldora seeds or plants left in the world, so it makes me wonder how many species are going to die before my children will get to see them.

A cornsnake. It is so cute as it coiled around my wrist and neck at Rosa Parks Elementary School for the Berkeley Project. I really like the elementary school and its focus on accepting the students for they are with a beautiful playground, organic garden, artwork made by the students themselves and a supportive faculty. I met a new friend there who is not part of my Global Medical Training Club, and she is wonderful. However, I do not know why everyone would back away a clear five feet from me whenever I used a hammer or a sledgehammer during volunteer. Perhaps I swung them with too much energy. No one got hurt, not even an adorable corn snake. According to the science teacher, this snake is the father of three other snakes so he must been old.

November 2017
Cal vs Stanford (who won the football game).
And this is my first fall semester, so I was pretty excited for the Big Game especially since I got to see my old high school friend Stanley! During the week of the Big Game, there were some occasional rain but the Campanile Tower always have an interesting logo displayed differently on each night. One day it was a Games of Thrones (told a friend since I have no idea what the show is about other than medieval things). Another was Tinkerbell and another day it was a Marvel sign? I remember on Wednesday night it was pouring and I used my baking pan of bread as shield from the rain so the leftover bread was soggy wet. However on Friday it was not rainy at all (because I did not want to attend a soggy football game as my classmates did last year).

One thing I do not understand would the Berkeley and Stanford rivalry and the ritual of the bonfire. I convinced my housemates to come with me as safety buddies to join the bond fire. I did not know the Greek Theater had concrete seats, so our bodies were sitting on cold cement. Occasionally we felt the warmth of the fire as the crowd chants, "Freshman, more wood" and my housemate shouting uhh some....dark things about the bonfire. Sigh boys,

The next day, I rode the Bart from UCB to Millbrae then on the Cal train to Stanford. I did not know the Cal Train was so fancy with two stories cabinets and tables. I sat with my Cal beanie (given by my wonderful roommate for my birthday) among parents wearing Stanford gear and red clothing. When Stanley called me, I was confused when he asked if I got off the Palo Alto station or Stanford station, since I thought there was just one station. Ha-ha...Nah I learned the school opened the Stanford station for game day (which explained the shady random stop behind a long fence that separates a mini mall and dirt with bottles on the ground. I stumbled myself at a Trader Joe's (never been into one until that day) and called Stanley who knew where is Trader Joes. While he walked from the Palo Alto station, I was thinking of buying some ice cream when he popped behind me. My, an year has been too long. It was terrific to see him. We ate at a sandwich place, walked to his dorm and his campus and talked for a long time. At the game, we were confused of the football game. Since we sat in the UCB and Stanford section, I would be confused which side is cheering so I would accidentally cheer for the wrong side. There was a chant from UCB that said "Go long, you bears!" and I thought the adjective "long" was weird, so I said "Go home, you bears!" thinking of home run like the home field (clearly I do not know baseball and football apart). But I learned from Stanley how to hand whistle and I taught him how to bake snickerdoodles from scratch in his dorm kitchen. I did not use a recipe, but the cookies went pretty well. Since the dorm kitchen was near the entrance, we gave some away to those who walked pass by and they enjoy them. We also gave some to his floormates and RA. I am happy that they all did not mind that I was wearing a golden Berkeley shirt. Yes, shade was thrown at me, but it was a respectful manner. There was this one kid who gave me a death stare when I walked upstairs the dorm as if he wants to throw me out the dorm, but nothing bad happened. In the night, Stanley and his friend and I watched The Tale of Princess Kaguya, a Ghibli film and it was soooooooo beautiful. The hand drawn art style, the haunting music, strong female character and joy and sadness...I could see why it was Stanley's favorite film. I am fond of Ghibli's films like Grave of the Fireflies and Howl's Moving Castle. They are meaningful movies you can watch with a friend and wonder about the beauty of life. So much imagination.

Visiting Stanford is nice with this dude around. We're still two goofy kids. :P

December 2017

One milestone this year is definitely my church's Tijuana missionary trip. I have not rode an airplane since Dec 2006, so eleven years have passed since I rode one. The memories flood to me (especially those times I ran around like crazy in the terminal). I got soooo excited to take off that I was recording the moment we fly and soar in the sky. My church accompanied me and prayed for me when I was deciding if I should or not go on this trip, and I am really joyful God gave me the opportunity to experience the beauty and humbleness He has. At the terminal, I was joyful picked up by a lovely family from my church. The father dropped his wife, son and me at the Oakland Airport where the CLC crew met up. I was nervous giving the person my luggage and showing all my liquid bottles to him, but I did not remember that it was simply for checking in luggage. After the security scan, I was slow in gathering my belongings, but I still felt excited as I picked up my bag. I was amazed of the view of the bay and shocked at how the airplane food is so expensive and like a mini mall. I found the old sudoku place that my dad used to buy on the last time my family flew an airplane. Memories continue to flood in my head, and I talked with the children who are coming on the trip. Later on, I grew closer to one of them on a Target shopping spree (since after we flew, the airline left one of our church members' luggage in Oakland).

 Man, the view of the coast of California. Of the bay. Of the Pacific Ocean. Of the Central Valley. Of the clouds. I thought how spectacular the view is and how God sees the world's beauty like this. Window Seat is the best seat for a view. I was surprised that the people around me took naps or watched videos instead of looking out the window, because the view is wonderful.

 

When we arrived at Tijuana, we visited the food and I got to say, the best type of food there are the homemade food. This one was made by a church family in Tijuana who opened her house as a church and school for the children in her neighborhood. 

 My goofy face :P Taken by Linda.

Now this part is going to get a bit weird and personal. I had a dream. I never had a dream like it before, and it speaks out a feeling that most of us can understand.

"Near Santa Clara
A girl is stuck with a brooding, disrespectful man who may be her boyfriend. They are in an empty room, except for a wooden throne. The man is sitting in the chair, looking away from the girl. Darkness spreads around him while the girl standing in front of him has white light around her. In my head, I see a snapshot of where they are in my perspective. He is on my left and she is on my right. She looks like the Disney character from Alice from Wonderland, especially her dress. They both looked tired and weary, yet the girl still bears kindness and sympathy in her eyes. He asked her 'Why are you still stuck with me?' The girl responded, 'Because if I leave, then there would be no one around you anymore.'

I felt this dream implied there is authority of the man having more power than the girl, but it is revealed it is the girl who bears the power because she has a choice to leave him but stays out of mercy for him since he is suffering from loneliness. Yet the girl is suffering from his darkness and wants to bring him out of the dark and into the light. It makes me wonder about broken relationships such as between God who is merciful and us who are suffering from our stubbornness and brokenness.


On the day of the construction, the Mission Caravan want to have service before we start any construction. The service is on missionary. It started with worship music, but the service leader asked us if we truly worship God by the way we live, not just through singing music and going to church. Sometimes we sing better than how we live. We are begged to present our bodies as a living sacrifice to God on how live: the interaction among our parents, siblings, friends, teachers, classmates, clerks, and strangers; our attitude towards adversity and blessings, etc. Even so, it is easier to say we would than to do. Maybe we are discouraged from not hearing from God for a long time as if He is silent. Between the New Testament and Old Testament, there was 400 years of silence, a time when God planned the arrival of Jesus Christ. His arrival was predicted right after Adam and Eve's disobedience. In Genesis 3:15 NIV, the Lord said, "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel," prophesying that Jesus will overthrow Satan. 

We later learned about THUMB (Tribal, Hindu, Unreligious, Muslim and Buddhism), UPG (Unreached People Groups) and 10/40 window (the latitude areas mainly located in Asia, Middle East and Africa). A UPG is specifically groups of people with less than 2% evangelical Christians in its population. We listened to the interns and leaders' experience in traveling to Laos, a communist country that threats and persecutes believers who do not follow Buddhism. They spoke about encountering poisonous snakes, forest leeches that leaves scars and demonic oppression in Laos, yet they continue to go there and spread the Gospel from village to village. They shared a story about these two women who faced the communist police for establishing a Christian church and converting the people around them into Christianity. With threats from the police, need to raise $6k for a new church, and more, the two women prayed. They were safe from the police and got the money to build a new church for the community, which amazes me because often we overlook praying and praying helped these two women because they trust in God.

Another story they shared about a New York Mets named Jeremy who decided to go to Papa New Guinea with his family to translate the Bible into the country's language. To make it to the New York Mets is a 2/1,000,000 and he decided to instead go into missionary. Hearing his story reminds me of the parable of a person selling his entire possessions for a pearl. Another parable said a person sold his entire possessions for a field. They both knew the true value of the pearl and field were more valuable than anything they own. Likewise, we should abandon everything with gladness for Jesus because He is worth giving everything away.

A question that was asked is "What is God's will and how do I fit in His will?" not "How is God's Will for me?

It really makes you rethink on your life purpose, which brings to a bible passage. It was when Jesus was speaking with his disciples before His crucifixion, and in the service. we were asked to imagine an important person we care about. Now imagine that person has his or her last words for you. The following verses are part of Jesus' last words for his disciples.

Be Faithful people.

In that day you will know that I am in the Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.

Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?"

Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teachings. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

He who does not love me will not obey my teachings.

John 14: 20-24

Be Fearless followers.

All this I have spoken while still with you.

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14: 25-27

Be Focused.

I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happened you will believe.

I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold of me,

but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me. John 14: 29-31

Jesus owes you; you are a steward.

Be Fruitful.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

John 15: 1-3

Bring people into Christ and bring God's glory.

Remove the leech that sucks your energy out.

Do not obey the alter of safety.

Near the end of service, the leader said that if 18,000 churches send out a group of six people to one UPG, then we can reach the goal of having the gospel hear everywhere in the world.

Off to the work

Our group was split into two groups: little kids and big kids. I was grouped with the big kids, so yay. One thing I learned about Tijuana (besides there are many dogs and EXXO convenience stores) is that the roads are bumpy. We had a bumpy ride for sure. We drove to this hilly place and we were shown this small neighborhood of few houses on dusty mountains. Good thing I wore my respirator mask, since I do not want to trigger my asthma, but it made me worry about the children's lungs. The air quality is worsen by the fact that the garbage is disposed by burning it, so not the best air. Regardless, the family who we build a house is amazing and I am really really really thankful to meet them and help build an extension to their home. The interns of the Mission Caravan and our church group measured, saw, nailed, hammered wood together. I hit my thumb a few times, so I stopped hammering and worked on screwing nails instead. When it got to painting,.......I got a bit carried away and got paint on everyone :) well just a bit in the clothes, hair, shoes you know the usual messy Deb. We had lunch break....let me tell you.

THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING FOOD I HAD IN TIJUANA. Estuve con la madre y le digo a todo el mundo les gustan su comida. Es perfecto. Espero que su familia (hija, hijos y esposo) estan mucho bien. Antes de nuestro grupo de mi iglesia dejo, ella se dice "Te Queremos."

Mi grupo

La casa

CLC y familia!

El Paisaje

El ocaso

La luna

After school ended with finals and such, I started my winter break which is where I am now. I am still at home chilling and editing my mom's book Within the Veil and catching up with friends. This picture is the first day of Winter break when I hung out with Asta and Priyanka at T4, a boba shop. I thought this picture is too cute!!!

And we made vegan meringue, banana bread and chocolate chip cookies. Suprisinly our meregues were well whipped (well too much whipped with a blender and three girls whipping it for 15 minutes). Still proud of it!

Mai from Kanon

And to cap off my 2017, my cat Felicia who sleeps on my bed before Gracie my other cat scared her off my bed. My mom says she has the biggest eyes of our cats.