I thought that since I hadn't updated this blog in a while, I might share what I have been reflecting on during this past winter break.
It's hard to believe to that I'll be graduating this year from Cal. An year ago on Jan 17, 2017 I came to Cal as a spring admit. This year, I'll grab my diploma and run away...with pride and joy, of course. But among those 3 years, a lot has changed in my life and those around me and those changes helped me mature as the person I am today. That being said, my perspective of the world has changed as well.
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| Taken at Big Sur. For some reason, I feel peaceful when I look at this picture and reflect what I felt that time :) |
I admit I'm bit worried that I may changed too much before and after college. I remember thinking that I will not lose who I am no matter how bad life seems like...and when life does take a turn, I question my priorities and wonder if I'm on the right path. Honestly, not knowing what I want to do at those times tells me that I need to reflect more and to rest.
I'm very thankful for this winter break, especially after going through one of my hardest and most enjoyable semesters. The semester was mainly difficult because I have to manage my time and stress levels well. It was really fun because I enjoyed learning different kinds of material from my classes last semester, especially on plants and bones. Granted, I scare my friends and my brother whenever I talk about plants to the point they run away from me.
Nonetheless, it was hard to balance learning about different types of teeth for all vertebrae types on top of memorizing 20+ scientific names for plants and handling a flood situation in my apartment as part of my job within the same week. I had to cut back my other commitments as a trade-off for me to survive my crazy semester, but I felt guilty for doing so.
I'm really hoping for my last semester at Cal I won't overload myself and cut back my commitments again. I am excited for the spring semester and for the summer. I submitted my application to study abroad in Taiwan for summer semester last week, so I hope I'll get in soon. It has been a dream of mine to visit Taiwan, so I'm looking forward to participate in this program.
I also succumbed to something I promised I would not get into during winter break: anime.
For a very long time, I stopped watching anime from 2017-2019 because I binge too much. So when I started again during winter break, I remember why I enjoyed my favorite anime shows so much. I hope to keep up my enthusiasm similar to the main protagonists, notably from Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia. I'm reminded that even though they face many challenges that impede them, they do not lose their goals or themselves and they continue to strive for their goals, despite how chaotic life is. Seeing their perseverance resonates with what I want to do in my life, even though I honestly would not want to be in their predicament.
Sometimes, I really wonder how chaotic life can be...
Earlier last week, I was biking around my hometown searching for my friend who went missing at 4am. I remember thinking about him all of a sudden the day before he disappeared and feeling that I should visit him soon. I never expected that he was going through a difficult time to the point he wanted to run away with only his house keys the next day. When I woke up at 9am, I learned his father came to my house frantically at 4am asking where his son was, I didn't understand what was happening, but I felt worried and biked off not knowing where to go. My thought was consumed by my desire to find him and when I arrived at one of his friends' houses and discovered he was not there...I broke down in tears. An hour later, I saw his Facebook account was active an hour ago and assumed he was home, but I was wrong. When his dad contacted me again about his whereabouts, I asked my friends whom I haven't talked in a while to help find him for 3 hours. We couldn't find him when it got dark, so we simply waited and prayed for his safety. When I learned he is safe and sound a few hours later, my face flushed and I felt a sense of relief (and an urge to slap him)...but I am still worried about him. I want to see him but I'm not sure what to say to him.
Before he went back home, I talked to my middle school friend for 3-4 hours to process what I was thinking of through the whole time. Our talk later open us to talk about our families and college experiences. I expressed my desire to have a peaceful life or at least a peaceful week without surprise complications or troubles. She interjected saying my life is chaotic. She recommended I should write a book on the embarrassing, chaotic moments of my undergrad titled "Hello (insert chaotic event here)" I retorted back that no one will read that book. She later said I should start a YouTube channel and post a video titled" My friend went missing." We both laughed at that idea and continue to share more stories. I haven't laughed that much in a while and I'm grateful I got to talk with her, but it has gotten me to reflect back on how I handle my life when chaos does come in my life.
Usually my view on trouble is to handle it head-on until it goes away, but if it keeps popping up again I will loose my energy and asked people to help me out. If different types of trouble keeps popping up, I'll long for peace and rest while I try to tackle it head-on until I reached my limit. When I do reached my limit, I act irritable and burned out. There were couple times I reached my limit last semester, and I felt I didn't handle my stress well by keeping it to myself until it explodes as a long emotional rant session. I usually avoid it from exploding from hanging out with my friends to keep my mind off my situation and remind myself that what I'm going through will pass. However, I'm wondering if how I handle my stress is healthy. I don't open myself too much because I don't want others to think me in a different light yet I want company. I also wonder if I encounter a lot of problems because I attract trouble or I help my friends who are in trouble, but I later regard this idea a bit self-centered. Or maybe life is just chaotic because that is the world we live in? I'm not sure, but I confidently say life is eventful and that it's nice to know what we overcome.
And if you're wondering what I should write/vlog for my unlikely upcoming book/YouTube channel, I can share a snippet from my freshman year.
Summer 2016
I'm at my CalSo (Berkeley's original 2 days orientation before it was switched to a more pricey Golden Bear Orientation week) in the Letter and Science's adviser office. I brought my paperwork to show that I enrolled in my hometown's community college for the fall and want to verify if these courses qualify towards Letters and Science's 7 breath requirement. However, I mentioned to my adviser that according to my Calcentral account, I have no birthday nor gender and that it stated I'm registered for Fall 2016 when I was accepted to Berkeley as a spring admit. She immediately told me to go the CalCentral office where I waited for 4 hours to get my account fixed. I brought my passport knowing the office will need to verify if I am truly Deborah Chen and not a computer glitch. Judging on everyone's face on what I told them, they were confused and have no idea why my account was this rare case. In the end, I learned that because I attended Calso in the summer, the Calcentral placed me as a fall student to let me attend. Spring admits are supposed to attend their orientation in January (but that option wasn't made available for me at that time). Good thing I didn't have to repeat some parts of my orientation. As for my missing birthday and gender...they have no idea, but the office said that it was the school's first time implementing this system...
But that was not the last mistake...
Fall 2016
I contacted Calcentral office again because when I pulled up my academic page, it was blank.
My friend was confused when he said I couldn't find my enrollment time since my page was blank. I panicked since his enrollment is close and mine was coming soon. After a two week contacting the office for this technical issue, I was able to enroll in my classes...and learn the cruelty of being placed last in choosing classes. Being wait listed in a chemistry lab class sucks a lot, but somehow I got in. Praise the Lord!
Spring 2017
Again about Calcentral?? Kinda, but it was on finances! In January, my family learned our aid never reflected that I was living in a dorm, which turned out to be more expensive than my tuition. I tried to get out of the dorm contract, but the two ways to get out of it is to get married or drop out of the university...(and I still have to repeat this to my friends who think they can get out of the contract after signing it). I again waited at the Calcentral office for 2 hours to have my financial aid reflected my living situation. My father also came to bring the tax forms. It was weird to see how quickly one financial adviser added money to the aid package, then have another financial adviser remove the added money, claiming there was not enough money in front of my father and I. We later took out a loan to cover my dorm expenses (which was paid off last semester!!! hahahaha) and submitted for financial re-verification.
In May, the financial office contacted my family said our re-verification is not approved...which is pretty late to say since the semester was pretty much over at that point and I would receive a new financial aid package for the upcoming year. However, one of the employees named (he shall not be named for privacy reasons) from the office met up with my family and we were able to bypass the 2-3 hour wait at calcentral office by making an appointment with him. We continue to meet up with him whenever we ran into financial problems...
Fall 2017-Spring 2019
Every semester, I visited the kind financial aid adviser to check on my FASFA, financial re-verification, work study, tax form, IRS receipts, and subsidized loan questions...you name it all. When he told me that I was not picked for verification for my senior year, I was so happy because my family and I don't have to go through more pain about obtaining our tax forms and slow office work. Honestly, the adviser was so helpful to my family and me and he enjoyed the cookies I baked for him.
So guys be friends with your financial aid officer and the school office people. It will save you a lot of pain.
And for my last note, I honestly have no idea what's going to happen for this year, but I might as well enjoy the crazy times I have. :)
Oooh yes, if you want to see the pictures I took from my road trip to Seattle and Vancouver with my two friends, here you go!
Nonetheless, it was hard to balance learning about different types of teeth for all vertebrae types on top of memorizing 20+ scientific names for plants and handling a flood situation in my apartment as part of my job within the same week. I had to cut back my other commitments as a trade-off for me to survive my crazy semester, but I felt guilty for doing so.
I'm really hoping for my last semester at Cal I won't overload myself and cut back my commitments again. I am excited for the spring semester and for the summer. I submitted my application to study abroad in Taiwan for summer semester last week, so I hope I'll get in soon. It has been a dream of mine to visit Taiwan, so I'm looking forward to participate in this program.
I also succumbed to something I promised I would not get into during winter break: anime.
For a very long time, I stopped watching anime from 2017-2019 because I binge too much. So when I started again during winter break, I remember why I enjoyed my favorite anime shows so much. I hope to keep up my enthusiasm similar to the main protagonists, notably from Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia. I'm reminded that even though they face many challenges that impede them, they do not lose their goals or themselves and they continue to strive for their goals, despite how chaotic life is. Seeing their perseverance resonates with what I want to do in my life, even though I honestly would not want to be in their predicament.
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| From Demon Slayer...you should watch the anime to see how strong their bond is to each other as brother and sister |
Sometimes, I really wonder how chaotic life can be...
Earlier last week, I was biking around my hometown searching for my friend who went missing at 4am. I remember thinking about him all of a sudden the day before he disappeared and feeling that I should visit him soon. I never expected that he was going through a difficult time to the point he wanted to run away with only his house keys the next day. When I woke up at 9am, I learned his father came to my house frantically at 4am asking where his son was, I didn't understand what was happening, but I felt worried and biked off not knowing where to go. My thought was consumed by my desire to find him and when I arrived at one of his friends' houses and discovered he was not there...I broke down in tears. An hour later, I saw his Facebook account was active an hour ago and assumed he was home, but I was wrong. When his dad contacted me again about his whereabouts, I asked my friends whom I haven't talked in a while to help find him for 3 hours. We couldn't find him when it got dark, so we simply waited and prayed for his safety. When I learned he is safe and sound a few hours later, my face flushed and I felt a sense of relief (and an urge to slap him)...but I am still worried about him. I want to see him but I'm not sure what to say to him.
Before he went back home, I talked to my middle school friend for 3-4 hours to process what I was thinking of through the whole time. Our talk later open us to talk about our families and college experiences. I expressed my desire to have a peaceful life or at least a peaceful week without surprise complications or troubles. She interjected saying my life is chaotic. She recommended I should write a book on the embarrassing, chaotic moments of my undergrad titled "Hello (insert chaotic event here)" I retorted back that no one will read that book. She later said I should start a YouTube channel and post a video titled" My friend went missing." We both laughed at that idea and continue to share more stories. I haven't laughed that much in a while and I'm grateful I got to talk with her, but it has gotten me to reflect back on how I handle my life when chaos does come in my life.
Usually my view on trouble is to handle it head-on until it goes away, but if it keeps popping up again I will loose my energy and asked people to help me out. If different types of trouble keeps popping up, I'll long for peace and rest while I try to tackle it head-on until I reached my limit. When I do reached my limit, I act irritable and burned out. There were couple times I reached my limit last semester, and I felt I didn't handle my stress well by keeping it to myself until it explodes as a long emotional rant session. I usually avoid it from exploding from hanging out with my friends to keep my mind off my situation and remind myself that what I'm going through will pass. However, I'm wondering if how I handle my stress is healthy. I don't open myself too much because I don't want others to think me in a different light yet I want company. I also wonder if I encounter a lot of problems because I attract trouble or I help my friends who are in trouble, but I later regard this idea a bit self-centered. Or maybe life is just chaotic because that is the world we live in? I'm not sure, but I confidently say life is eventful and that it's nice to know what we overcome.
And if you're wondering what I should write/vlog for my unlikely upcoming book/YouTube channel, I can share a snippet from my freshman year.
Summer 2016
I'm at my CalSo (Berkeley's original 2 days orientation before it was switched to a more pricey Golden Bear Orientation week) in the Letter and Science's adviser office. I brought my paperwork to show that I enrolled in my hometown's community college for the fall and want to verify if these courses qualify towards Letters and Science's 7 breath requirement. However, I mentioned to my adviser that according to my Calcentral account, I have no birthday nor gender and that it stated I'm registered for Fall 2016 when I was accepted to Berkeley as a spring admit. She immediately told me to go the CalCentral office where I waited for 4 hours to get my account fixed. I brought my passport knowing the office will need to verify if I am truly Deborah Chen and not a computer glitch. Judging on everyone's face on what I told them, they were confused and have no idea why my account was this rare case. In the end, I learned that because I attended Calso in the summer, the Calcentral placed me as a fall student to let me attend. Spring admits are supposed to attend their orientation in January (but that option wasn't made available for me at that time). Good thing I didn't have to repeat some parts of my orientation. As for my missing birthday and gender...they have no idea, but the office said that it was the school's first time implementing this system...
But that was not the last mistake...
Fall 2016
I contacted Calcentral office again because when I pulled up my academic page, it was blank.
My friend was confused when he said I couldn't find my enrollment time since my page was blank. I panicked since his enrollment is close and mine was coming soon. After a two week contacting the office for this technical issue, I was able to enroll in my classes...and learn the cruelty of being placed last in choosing classes. Being wait listed in a chemistry lab class sucks a lot, but somehow I got in. Praise the Lord!
Spring 2017
Again about Calcentral?? Kinda, but it was on finances! In January, my family learned our aid never reflected that I was living in a dorm, which turned out to be more expensive than my tuition. I tried to get out of the dorm contract, but the two ways to get out of it is to get married or drop out of the university...(and I still have to repeat this to my friends who think they can get out of the contract after signing it). I again waited at the Calcentral office for 2 hours to have my financial aid reflected my living situation. My father also came to bring the tax forms. It was weird to see how quickly one financial adviser added money to the aid package, then have another financial adviser remove the added money, claiming there was not enough money in front of my father and I. We later took out a loan to cover my dorm expenses (which was paid off last semester!!! hahahaha) and submitted for financial re-verification.
In May, the financial office contacted my family said our re-verification is not approved...which is pretty late to say since the semester was pretty much over at that point and I would receive a new financial aid package for the upcoming year. However, one of the employees named (he shall not be named for privacy reasons) from the office met up with my family and we were able to bypass the 2-3 hour wait at calcentral office by making an appointment with him. We continue to meet up with him whenever we ran into financial problems...
Fall 2017-Spring 2019
Every semester, I visited the kind financial aid adviser to check on my FASFA, financial re-verification, work study, tax form, IRS receipts, and subsidized loan questions...you name it all. When he told me that I was not picked for verification for my senior year, I was so happy because my family and I don't have to go through more pain about obtaining our tax forms and slow office work. Honestly, the adviser was so helpful to my family and me and he enjoyed the cookies I baked for him.
So guys be friends with your financial aid officer and the school office people. It will save you a lot of pain.
And for my last note, I honestly have no idea what's going to happen for this year, but I might as well enjoy the crazy times I have. :)
Oooh yes, if you want to see the pictures I took from my road trip to Seattle and Vancouver with my two friends, here you go!
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| Driving through Mount Shasta on a snowy Christmas day |
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| The Space Needle and Seattle's skyscrapers |
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| I wish I know what species this bird is, but it's beautiful |
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| Peace Arch as we crossed the USA-Canadian border |
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| Light show in Vancouver |
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| Dinner at Sura with my 2 friends. The kimchi is really good |
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| Very tall Douglas-fir trees in another light show at Vancouver |
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| Mystic light balls in the air |
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| Port in Vancouver |
