Deborah Chen's Photography: August 2017

Hey guys!

I realize most of my blog is morphing into one that is emphasizing writing rather than photography. A few reasons why is mainly because I'm exploring the medium of writing out my thoughts and that I feel that my pictures show a part of the experiences I faced. After completing my English requirements this summer, I can say I am a bit wary of cramming two essays per week for six weeks online English class along with studying Organic Chem and a few extra things (like taking Environmental Writing class and ochem lab; and being part of the Daily Cal's photography team, Suitcase Clinic team, and the wonderful co-op team).

I admit that I did felt that I sacrificed a part of my summer break by not hanging out with friends back home, especially with those who are moving away to college (my little freshies). Whenever I do come back home, I feel like the time I spent at UCB was like a dream because I am used to seeing my home over the course of eleven years. When I do come back to my co-op (apartment), I feel as if that is my place to spend during the summer where I see the friends I have there.

Overall, I felt this summer is pretty eventful and unexpected in numerous ways. I did not expect organic chem to be hard......and that I be creamed by it while having a chill time with my TA and friend as we go over the material and research labs available in the chem sector in the university. (Just google and email the post-docs for info). I expected to feel lonely especially when I overworked myself and isolate myself in the process, but I learned to not do that because time is precious with God and with family and friends. A friend from my bible study group talked to me about it, and I really appreciate his kind words when I was stressing out. My pastor from my new church (yes, I'm back in church :D ) also talked with me about family stuff, and it is amazing to hear how God helps him get through his troubles and to honor our parents too).

So this shall be a long diary, photo entry I would like to share about my summer break, depending on how well my memory is.

May 12- June 18

My sweet one month break from school. It wasn't really sweet when I had to move my stuff into my new co-op after one week later with a recurring thought in my head " I just got back home and I'm here again?" The room I was assigned to turns out the be the largest single ( I think) in the apartment, so I got really lucky. It's just I am very disorganized so it became messy once I step in with my stuff. But I got to meet really cool people there who later became really tight friends. The one time I came back to do work shift, I ran into a cool dude who watched me do my work shift of picking leaves off the ground with my hands ( I was desperate...I need a broom). He commented on that I did not need to be that through in my work, but I replied I need to be honest with my work hours. We clicked off well and the rest is history (with pillow throws, punching bags, late night walking for boba, and being goofy kids).
Back at home, I hang out with friends and helping my mom with her book Within the Veil and 31 Days of Prayer Journal. The work is daunting but fun, especially editing pictures. It's just that I wished I knew about UCB's adobe package or else I didn't have to work up to..you know....4am......but I love my mom. I also visited MSJ to see my graduating friends and dear teachers and even saw a teacher riding my bike around the school. Sigh, you turn your back and you then see you teacher poppin a wheelie.

I admit a part of me felt nostalgic at my school, but I knew visiting it would help me move on and focus more on college itself. I did actually spoke in front of my classmates and teachers (and school administration) about suicide and how to deal with the competition in my school on May 16. Honestly, I did not really feel the competitive atmosphere except in my Honors Pre-calculus class in junior year, but it was interesting to talk about my personal experience about mental health especially how prevalent depression and suicide thoughts are. I have been struggling to talk about my story on it because I do not want my talk to be a "pity me pity me blah blah blah" because I'm done with self-pity (so tell me straight up if I'm doing so). I talked to my senior citizen friend and church friend about what key points I want to bring up about the topic and to get me over me crying about it because again I want no self-pity. Most importantly, I want the focus to on the students and those who are affected by mental health issues. One thing I learn at Cal is that it is important to be honest with yourself and others and to express out your emotions if you want to. Of course, that's hard to because that would be expressing your weakness but in reality it shows how human you are. The weirdest part of the talk was looking at my friends and teachers and thinking how much I changed and they changed and what they think of me and such. Out of the conversation, one of my friends asked me if I was okay (as expected) and I told her that I'm doing great, it's just that at that time in senior year I was not doing so hot and question why bother being alive (spoiler alert: the question pops up still but more as in " I would not be this happy if I was already gone; I want to avoid that circumstance from happening again and to help others to avoid it too, but how?") After the whole mental health talk, I was chowing down on beans and guacamole in the back and was surprised to have a picture taken by the school paper (and learned that the paper misspelled my name as Deborah Wu....(and later the Daily Cal in an email misspelled my name as Deborah Yang....gee) I guess after the talk my friends saw me differently as if they were afraid I would be gone by my own means, but I honestly do not have the desire to (especially when I still have my college education, family and friends connection, and desire to improve the environment burning in me). But my story did affected them, so I guess my talk went well.

As for the remaining parts of my one month summer break, it was mainly hanging out. I hang out with my friend and her boyfriend in our high school and visited an ice cream shop called Ice 3 Creamery and it's pretty nice.

Doodoo face taken by Amy Li

Sweet on the left and mocha on the right

Later on, I had my friend sleep over at my house and she's the first guest my family has ever since we moved in over ten years ago. It was nice to talk with her and have her tell me I'm like a sister to her as we played a game of telling each other compliments. (So many feelings :D ) She later invited one of our high school kouhai to bake oreo "cheese"cake and to cook pesto lasagna. I later did a photgraphy session with our kouhai and her friend and it's a blast. I never imagined having a three hour photo session and ten hour editing session would drain so much energy out of me. If you want to check it out, go to http://msjdeborahchen1.weebly.com/I have their permission to post their pictures so yay!

Twining Grace and Rosefina

Also I got play Hilter board game or something that requires lying between fascists and liberals. Of course, I won after being played fascists twice in a row and using my school's rep and inability to lie well as a cover up. I did tried the Nintendo switch and I find it really tiny (which explains my incompetence of playing Mario Kart 8?)
I also got to hang out with my elementary school friends and their mother in a dinner, and it was nice to catch up with them and go shopping with them in an office supply store. Gotta stash up the school supplies.
But of course, where's the summer without boba? I spent time with my friend George who visited from Florida. We got to talk about God and personal questions we have, and it was nice to confide with each other and share our passion for God and photography. I was really excited to hear him to go back to community college and tried my best to comfort him in his fear of not doing well math, but I know he'll be fantastic in it! We took turns taking pictures around the store T4 and it was pretty fun to be goofy and professional in our pictures.

Fountain

Fountain dripping water

George

With a week left before I go to school on June 19, I spent time with my dear close high school friends. I haven't seen one of them since December, so I admit I was nervous to see him again in person on his birthday with my other friend, but it was nice. It really was nice to see him and how the tension in the past fades away by his smile and warm greeting. My other friend and I got creamed by him in an impromptu game of Cantan Seafare Expansion, but it was really nice especially when his mom served Macha ice cream from Trader Joe's. (I learned there's a Trade Joe's in Berkeley. I need to find the ice cream!!! but I should not eat ice cream if I'm trying to be a vegan).

June 19-August 12

Oh boy....There's a lot of things that can happened in less than three months.

Well first off......
Independence again baby.

Nah, organic chemistry (lecture and lab), online English class, Suitcase Clinic volunteer work, Daily Cal photography, and environmental writing class all pile in hahahahaha along with workshift (and yes I just repeated the list earlier above expect that I have more pictures of the suffering....I mean joy and fun...I actually joy and fun including with the school work).

But overall, Responsibility is what I learned and time management too.
But let's start!

Firsts:

Skateboarding and felling down 3x, but I got my balance and pumping alright. It's just that I don't know how to get off the skateboarding in a safe manner.
Cooking dinner consistently with potatoes, onions, garlic, pepper, soy sauce, curry, water, carrots, basil leaves, and more
Sleepover in my apartment
Playing Super Smash Bros on a Wii U
Seeing fireworks up close
Attending a concert of Asian Youth Orchestra
Spending personal time with my TA on organic chem problems outside of class
Washing other people's feet and having them wash mine as a thank-you gift (soooooooo humble)
Walking Downtown Berkeley at night and seeing the different stores around
Regularly attending Office hours with my professors
Eating at the Berkeley restaurants (yes...my first time since I have no meal points anymore)
Being the youngest in the whole apartment
Biking everywhere (literally everywhere)
Using Adobe products from my computer with UCB's creative cloud access
Listening to loud music from friends around me every week (sigh boys)

My view everyday right before I go to Chem class

View of the International House from the Stadium

Me studying taken by Y

Let's learn Ochem in Pimental

Yep, that's the taste of my first month of summer school. Ochem from 9:30-11am M-Th, Ochem lab 1-4pm Tu and Thurs, and more classes in between. You should seen people's expression when I say I was taking five classes hehehe (they question how I was alive which is something I heard about in high school when I had four AP courses and a community college calculus course). But there's the fun behind the scenes.

I started going back to church. After a long hiatus of 8 years of not going to church regularly, I found a church I really like called Christian Layman church in Oakland. It's a warm, inviting community and I really enjoy the friends I made there and the friends I know.
It's definitely worth waking up early in the morning for!

Pastor Andrew!

Dim Sum dishes with CLC church friends

Meanwhile in the place I live, I made new friends there and we made a lot of new memories there like baking cookies, late night talks about life, cleaning, and studying. A little glimpse of what I have seen and experience because here's the part where my pictures expresses my journey and where I collapse from exhaustion.

Ethan from shopping at Safeway
and I accidentally deleted a picture that wasn't saved so the photoshop one is to make up for it.

Pajama Sam on Fourth of July

Vegan brownies made with Sam and me

Fourth of July lights on the Berkeley hills

Tree on my street

Campanella

Wonderful braid done by Y and taken by Y in our lab class

Taken by Priyanka

My friends had a sleepover at my place so we went out shopping and the downtown scenery there. It was pretty interesting to find the brick wall (and run away from it when people started smoking in the alley way....sigh)