December Shenagians

Hey guys!

Since 2017 is coming up, I want to give a little wrap up of what I experienced through in December. I honestly say the Ohlone college was pretty fun and relaxing, especially when I did not have to worry so much on classes. Instead I hung out with my friends, talk with my professors, and chill at the student lounge or the library. Of course, I be transferring over to UC Berkeley in January, so I want to share a few memories with you guys.

First off......never let a guy try out his ideas if it involves a waffle maker, cookie dough and fake cheese that never ever melts. 

Because one of my friends watched a Youtube video of whether or not things can be cooked with a waffle maker, he has been meaning to make one. We made the cookie dough and placed them in a waffle maker, but we were not sure how long the cookie dough should be cooked because the waffle maker could be turned over. After we gave an estimated time of cooking the cookie dough, we opened it to see a big mush of chocolate, nuts, and dough that did not stick together well. Later we tried to make a quesadilla, but the cheese could not melt at all, even when we microwaved it for 2 minutes. (We just stopped eating the cheese altogether....)

Back at home, my mom saw my two cats Jeremy and his mother Gracie sleeping in her room. I got my scarf that I knitted and placed it over them. It was just too cute.
~Look into their eyes~

Jeremy

Gracie

On a side note, I also finished my Illustrator drawing of Kanade Tachibana from Angel Beats. I started drawing it in 10/28/6 up to 12/14/16 mainly because I was drawing whenever I could each week, spanning from 30 minutes to one hour or more. Also I tried to recall famous lessons from the Samuel Sze back in 11th grade who taught me the basic functions of Illustrator. I think I got a firmer grip on it now. (It doesn't mean I don't want to take the Introduction to Photoshop and Illustrator decal class).

Buzzing buzzing bee in my front yard on a jade bush.

Also if you guys caught me visiting my old high school on December 22, I sneaked into the beloved garden to take some pics of the succulents there and the flowers. Telegraphic lens to the action!

Winding Down to Winter

Hi guys!

Since this is a photography blog, I shall balance out the writing with some photographs and a drawing I drew using Adobe Illustrator from my school along with photographs that I haven't share in a while. A lot has been going on lately, so I apologize for the delay.

Trigger warning: There are a lot of cat pictures. :D

Sleeping Jeremy

Curled up Jeremy

Rain droplets 

View of UCB from the Sather Tower

Penguins on a cake

It's good to be a penguin

Happy Birthday pic -taken by Lilian Guo on my DSLR camera

My Teddy Bear and Cat

Have some recycled tea

Fresh Tulips

Philosophical Journal 10/13

   Yes, I have not been writing about philosophy for a month of so. I shall pin the blame on English homework, psychology tests, U.S. history quizzes, photography work (paid and non paid), blah, blah, blah....

I got lazy.

    That simple. However, due to circumstances, my history class today was cancelled. At first, I worried about the reason it was cancelled but rejoiced in the realization that I do not have to spend five, six hours from 8 am to 2 pm going to school, attending school, and going back home. Ever since I finished the first day of class, I realized why going to school on a Saturday morning is not a wise choice.

     The irony of today was that I worked at a cake show (long story that I would not get into) from 9 am to 3 pm. At least, I earned money, admired pretty cakes, learned how to use PayPal on a tablet and a smartphone, and later embarrassed myself in an Italian restaurant. Apparently, licking a plate is not accepted in a formal restaurant neither is making failed origami creations using the black table cloths. Also since my family always take me to Asian restaurants, I yearned for chopsticks as I repeatedly stabbed my noodles with a fork because it does not pick up the penne ( Italian noodles..yes, I googled up the word). How do people use forks? Honestly, I do not care about eating according to social convention, since my family raised me to eat all of your food if you like it. I never learned about the proper to use spoons or forks, mostly because my kitchen has five spoons and no forks while amount of  there are ∞ chopsticks in the house.

I guess I'm writing this all out as a warm-up and to share this memorable day.

Rain, keep raining. I want to see lighting in the sky! (I'm currently listening to raindrops outside my home, so I'm not imagining things)

October 13, 2016 Thursday

As an overview, my philosophy teacher talked a variety of historical philosophy, ranging from Eastern Philosophy (Confucius 孔子, Buddha, Lao-zi 老子) to Western Philosophy (Pre-Socratic, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle). After our exam, we learned about Scholastic Philosophy with archetypes such as Saint Augustine, Saint Anselm, Rene Descartes, John Locke and George Berkeley. 

In terms of class material, my teacher Wayne went over empiricism, the belief that all knowledge is ultimately derived from sense experience and that all ideas can be traced to sense data. I felt empiricism is partially true because there is evidence that there are innate ideas and functions within us such as the function to breathe. In babies, no one taught them how to suckle for breast milk, yet they are able to with guidance from the mothers who bring their children close to them. However, innate ideas are mainly used for survival as we create our own ideas about the world through our senses and other people's ideas.

The archetype of empiricism is John Locke, nicknamed the father of empiricism, not the inventor. He claimed that all ideas came from sensation/reflection (the mind being aware of the environment) and abstraction (anyone's experiences), leaving no room of consideration for innate ideas. The idea of tabula rasa (blank, clean state) overall captures empiricism's theory that all ideas came from somewhere, similar to the corresponding theory of truth, which states that an idea is true if it can refer to things that actually exists. The rebuttal for this would be how we treat fictional characters as real life people such as Percy Jackson is the son of Poseidon and that he is dating Annabeth Chase (Yes, I'm a Percy Jackson fan!) and how we treat abstract concepts as reality like perfect circles. Personally, I felt the correspondence theory of truth is not applicable because people can perceive the same object under different facts. For example, light can be defined by scientists as an electromagnetic wave that has photons and be characterized by its duality, both a particle and both a wave. For others, light is the presence of God who opposes darkness. This example leads in the difference between direct and indirect realism.

Seeing the moon would be an example of direct realism because you are directly experiencing the light exactly the way it is, a bright little dot in black cloudy paper. Yeah, that ain't true. Indirect or representational realism states that what we experience through our senses is a representation of the external world, the world outside our minds. My teacher adamantly states, "This is one of the few times philosophy gets something absolutely correct." How so?

Let's say we see a cat, a cute fluffy cat sitting on a couch, sleeping all curled up. For nearsighted people who does not know there is a cat there may perceive the cat as a dog or a stuffed animal from afar. For those who know it is a cat may assume it is sleeping or licking itself. From merely seeing a cute cat, there are different interpretations. Another example I remembered back in 10th grade is when my English teacher taught my class about signifier and signified which was created by Ferdinand de SausssureI.

A signifier is a symbol of the object such as a drawing, word, stuffed animal or the origami tree.
A signified is the internal concept or idea that can vary between each perceiver. It can be the actual object or not.

For example, the word "tree" is a combination of the letters t, r and e, thus it is a signifier. It is not an actual tree, but the word represent the concept of a tree, which is the signified.

The flip side is the a signified can be a signifier, In the second example, the drawing of the tree has green and brown colors in some organized fashion, not the actual tree. Thus the drawing is a signifier. What it represents is the actual tree, which can be in different colors from the signified. A tree's bark does not necessarily have to be brown. It can be white like the birch tree.

Overall, signifier and signified  represents representational idealism because what we perceive of the same object is not necessarily the same. During class, I have this concept in the back of my head, yet I could not recall its name until I looked back in my English notes.

Moving on to the next philosopher is George Berkeley. When my teacher told everyone that Berkeley is supposed to be pronunciated as Bark-ke-li and not Berk-ke-li, my head was saying Bo-ke-li. I later put this on the UCB's Overheard group and someone commented it as Broccoli.

Yeah, I black out the faces and names so there would be no stalkers here. Besides, it's rude to do so without consent.

Anyway, his main idea was to counteract deism, the belief that God only created the universe and does not interfere with it, surmised by a famous quote by Elif Shafak,

“God is a meticulous clockmaker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die.”

What Berkeley did to fight against deism is vouch for idealism, which states that only ideas (sensible experiences and thought) exits, rejecting the external physical world and accepting the mental things. He coined the phrase "Esse est percipi", which means "To be is to be perceived." For example, if I do not see the due date for the a homework assignment, then it does not exist! Sadly, that is not true, but to refute it is challenging.

Futhermore, sometimes it is not wise to trust on our senses portrayed by the McGurk effect, mirages and the shepard illusion. Funny story with the sound illusion. Because my parents got this new TV that allows you to have your computer, smartphone, tablet's videos on the TV, I pulled a prank on my parents by replacing their Korean drama with the auditory clip. I latter reassured them that it was me, not a hacker (but I admit I am a troller, hahahaha).

That's all I have for now. I think another reason I put off these post is because it takes me.....over five hours to write them out...
(ugh, I should not be an overachiever. I need to set low expectations).

Now............sleep.

Philosophy Journal 8/30

Hi guys!

As I mentioned before, I'm currently taking a philosophy class in my first semester of college, Honestly I'm a bit scared about this class mainly because I am not used to thinking so much about the situation in terms of specific definitions and components. In a way, I felt that my ideas such as my faith in God and my optimism will be challenged in this class, which can be a scary experience especially when I tied my ideas to my identity. Nevertheless, I am interested in the ideology out there and what is philosophy itself.
The main reason I want to write about my personal thoughts of the class is that I enjoy writing about my ideas (and sharing photographs) whether it be about struggles, advice, or out of interests. Also my teacher said he may offer extra credit on our journal reflections (Hahaha yes, this may be the underlying reason). Even if I do not receive the extra credit, I am genuinely interested of how my ideas will change during the semester.

Let's begin,

August 31, 2016 Tuesday

I learned what a philosopher is: A skinny, Asian dude with long hair.
I'm kidding, but that is what my professor Mr. Yuen said when he introduced the course to the class, along with the historical fact that half of the class dropped out by the end of the semester. Comforting, isn't it?

However I felt intrigued by the ideas he talked about when he explained about definitions, necessary and sufficient conditions, and what exactly is philosophy. He began the class with a simple question: what is a triangle? My head was thinking a polygon with three sides while the class and my professor drew shapes on the board. Three corners? Three lines? Three straight lines connecting each other? The definition of a triangle becomes more specific, and what contributes to the definition revealed to be the necessary conditions. When there are enough necessary conditions about an entity, then they become sufficient altogether to define the entity. Later on in the class, he brought out two thought experiments, one concerning about a life stimulation and another about a pill that affects a baby's life.
    Would you want to plug into a machine that would give you the experience of a very good life, even though it's fiction? 

    Guess what? You're already in the machine already, Do you want to be out of it?

When my teacher presented the scenarios, I was thinking of The Truman Show, which stars Jim Carrey who plays Truman Burbank. Truman lives in a 24/7 TV show broadcasted worldwide, yet he is not aware that he is being watched or that his life has been manipulated nor watched. (Watch it; I will not put spoilers here).
Personally, I feel that if I can shape my life to what I wish would be too much power in general because I cannot know nor control the external factors that affect my life. I do not even know who I am enough to know what I need, and that would be my greatest mistake. I simply don't want to live my life as a lie. Where's the freedom in that? Even if I don't always like my situation in reality, I cannot let my struggles convince me that it is better to deceive myself because lie always fall apart.

The point of this thought experiment was to realize what you value: truth or comfort? The truth can be harsh as people say, which can contradict the saying that the truth sets you free. I think both ideas are valid in the point they do not promise you that you will comfortable with the truth. To me, it's necessary to know but hard to accept.

Second thought scenario.
     Say you are going to have a baby and want a disabled child. Would you take the pill to damage the baby's brain?

     Or do you want to take a pill to increase the baby's IQ by 24 points?

"Don't mess with the baby." my mind retorted back. The mere thought of a couple wanting  to modify their child to be come disabled makes me shudder, mainly because I already experienced the pain of my parents and my older brother, who is diagnosed with cerebral palsy and spastic diplegia. These two main conditions render the right side of my brother's body stiff, affecting his ability to move well. Raising a disabled child is not what every parent wants, especially when we keep thinking, "Why aren't you born normally?" But we cannot control that (in my knowledge) and asking that question reminds me how foolish and painful it is. Another part of me wanted to inform the hypothetical couple that they can gladly adopt a child who has a disability, which can make his or her life joyful.

As for the other scenario, I thought about how my dad likes to say to me, "You got my science genes. Where are your math genes?" . I hope that every parent want their children to be successful, but the idea of boosting their IQ shows what the parents value and how desperate. In another sense, it showed what the society valued. As I thought about it, I then remembered an advertisement my AP English told the class when we read Brave New World. The ad titled "Genius Asian Egg Donor Needed - $20,000 Compensation" stated:

"We are a couple seeking an Asian egg donor to help build our family. You should have or be working on a university degree from a world-class university, you should have high standardized test scores, and preferably have some outstanding achievements and awards. We prefer Asian race, such as Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese. You should be between 18-35 years old.
We are happy to pay you well above market compensation for your egg donation.
An example of our ideal egg donor: 21 year old Chinese MIT student with A grade point average, near-perfect SAT score, several awards in high school and university. She wants to be an egg donor in order to help bring a child into the world with the same special gifts she has.
Your eggs will be fertilized with sperm from the husband, and the resulting embryos used to impregnate the wife, or possibly a surrogate mother.
About us: we are a highly educated couple, but we are unable to have children due to infertility of the wife. The husband is a highly accomplished scientist/mathematician and businessman, the wife has a good university degree. The husband is of European race.
We value education, and we live in one of the best school districts in the world. We hope that our child will be a top student, as each of us was, and that he/she will be able to go to university at MIT or Caltech or Stanford or other top university.
For more information, please email us williamn@alumni.stanford.edu

Thank you for helping us build our family."
.........
Yep, the response of my classmates back in good old 6th period of my senior year.
The ad was published on November 30, 2012, so not too long ago. After it was published, there was an article named Opinion: GUEST COLUMN: ‘Genius Asian Egg Donor’ ad is offensive about the discrimination of this ad, aiming at Asian women deemed as smart, young and debt-ridden. The article pointed that MIT has also submitted a similar ad back in 1999, but that alone should not be a clear reason why such requests should be allowed. Near the end of the article, it even suspected the couple to be lying their intentions, suggested by the racism and sexism used in the ad.

Back to the thought experiment, the idea of conditioning "people" into the ideal image brought me back to Brave New World. When I first asked my friends about the book before I read it, they chuckled when they simply said "Sex." I could tell they did not read the book at all, not even the first page. (Sigh) The book was so much more, conditioning, intimacy, mass production, efficiency, emotional expression, history, philosophy, (blah blah I think my teacher would be proud of me remembering her discussions on the book here, until she read this sentence. Opps). But it did raise the question that if you modify the baby or even a person against their wishes to simply fit a defined purpose, then is that considered morally right or wrong? (This question itself can lead me talking about the Plato's cave allegory, or whether or not God, parents, people should shape us. I could, but this is a lengthy analysis already and I'm tired. It's almost midnight. I want to sleep before my 9:00 am class tomorrow. Maybe on another day). Yeah, it was a fun English class. Still I enjoyed my teacher's video of his harlequin cat sucking the air. Cat. Love cats. Cat.

After class, my friend and I later discussed about the thought experiments such as the struggle shown in Gattica, which discusses parents shaping their child by optimizing their genes and how children born without the gene modification are discriminated. It raises questions about whether or not should we modify genes in humans, playing like God, or whether the act of it simply does not optimizes society and get rid of its problems. He also mentioned that if the parents use the IQ pill, then other parents would do the same thing and the children would still be considered normal. As we talked about things, he started joking about the necessary conditions I must state in order for my idea to be valid. Hmm, I have a feeling we're in a one crazy ride this semester.

I guess one thing I want to add before it's midnight. I watched the film 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi later that night, as I was stunned of how much valor and endurance the soldiers have as they fought against the Libyan rebels on 9/11 2012. I thought about the necessary conditions they made as they choose to disobey orders and fight with almost no protection nor support besides each other. The pain, the sacrifice, the loss, no wonder they are all retired. The quote, "All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you." by Joseph Campbell lingered afterwards, and it reminded me how the search for something bigger may happen in ourselves, fighting and driving us insane. It really makes you wonder that maybe the answer to the question, "What is the meaning of life?" lies in you, or it's 42. Hahahaha, I'm alluding to The Hitchhiker Guide's to the Galaxy.

Honestly, Rafael I'm going to give you credit for recommending these books and movies to me. Well only for the hitchhiker one and Truman Show here.

Now bedtime.

Update September 3, 2016
I guess some things I can add to the journal is discussing the Plato's cave allegory that my English teacher taught us. The allegory describes how people are aware of their surrounding up to a certain extent. Imagine a group of people in a cave with their heads and feet chain, prohibiting them to move around and look behind them. Meanwhile they're are looking at a cave wall of shadows cast from objects and puppeteers behind a fire. (I feel the website hyperlink explains this clearer than me. This is just a generalization). The people in the cave can surmise what the shadows represent, but they only perceive the shadows not the actual objects until they are free to do. But do they want to know the truth? Would they rather be fine with their current conditions and roles in the cave?

Experimenting my DSLR

Hi guys! How are your school years, so far?

I recently started college, and it has been pretty chill though I'm not used to having a class once a day, reading assignments with twenty pages's worth of content, and papers. Typical, I'm guessing, especially for humanity courses I'm taking: psychology, english, philosophy, and U.S. History. A new thing I have started is riding a bike to school every day because I knew I should exercise and reduce my carbon footprint. The downside to this is I never imagine going uphill for around thirty minutes would render me a bit sweaty for class. Hey, at least I got a biking buddy, so that biking can be a bit more fun.

Anyway...

If you have seen me talking pictures, you may have seen me snapping around with a DSLR 3300 camera. Because I learned how to use my camera, I took two online courses at Coursera called Camera Control and Seeing Through Photographs. I enjoy both of these classes, especially on how the content relates to the techniques and meaning of photography.

What I mean is I'm not only learning on how to take a picture, but also how to take a meaningful picture. The shutter speed, aperture, framing, subject space, blur, lines, etc, are all part of how the picture is captured and interpreted, whether or not photography is used for documentary purposes and/or artistic expressions. It is important to know more about the photographer's objective and background to gain a deeper understanding of the pictures they take, or not, depending on you viewed it.

Since I'm currently learning Philosophy, the idea of "your opinion is the truth, depending on your stance" is called relativism. In a way, I find it annoying and not a solid argument. What's funny about it that my philosophy textbook stated that the authors themselves argued back that it's their opinion that relativism is wrong and an excuse to not delve into the question thoughtfully.

So I hope through these photographs I have taken, you can think about how they make you feel.

August 14, 2016
Path of lights 

I was outside and exploring the neighborhood, and I found the lights of this walkway to be mesmerizing with its circular patterns.

August 15, 2016
Dahlia (I think)

August 15, 2016
I also think it may be a Dahlia

I was on an evening walk with my mother, and I happened to spot these beautiful Dahlia (again not so sure) on someone's front yard.

August 27, 2016

Rose origami overlap

Colorful rose origami overlap

As part of my photography course, my classmates and I were asked to take a motion-blurred picture. Since this is the first time I was using a camera that allowed me to manually adjust the shutter speed, I went full-blown on the topic--except I was not sure what to take a picture of. After I thought about it, I decided to take overlap pictures of the origami rose and quick drawing for around minutes. Originally the flower I drew took me less than thirty seconds, and my intention that the motion of my hands would be shown in the picture. Instead, I got a white blur around the picture and I decided that it would be a waste of paper to try again. (This was my third time). In the end, I realized it was not a motion-blurred picture, but I shall try again!!!

August 31, 2016

Silk water

Stepping Stones

 Pondering about my motion-blurred homework, I decided to visit the creek in my hometown to see if there is still water there since there is the ongoing California drought and the creek has dried up before. I was surprised there was water, so I tried to take a four second long picture with out a tripod. What I learned is that I can use the camera strap and the rocks as an impromptu tripod. Plus I accidentally dropped my mom's sandal in the creek, but it did not get wet. I then thought to use the sandal in the picture because I felt like the picture overall show my sense of adventure to keep traveling and exploring nature with the sandal and water flowing underneath.

Gracie
Love my cats

After I got back home, I petted my cat Gracie and took this picture quickly before she walked away. Overall, love my cats.
Cats.

Sunset

Hello guys! 

      Can you believe there is less than a month of summer break? I'm officially off my summer Anatomy and Physiology class, so I can enjoy my summer break (unless I decide to take the online Photography course I found on Cousera...Hehehehe, we shall see).

Anyway, this week I spent some time biking around my home and celebrating my friend's birthday. On his birthday, our friends and we went to Lake Elizabeth to watch the sunset and the ducks drifting around us. I decide to use my DSLR camera to capture the ethereal moments and use Camera Raw to edit the pictures, and here they are.

Enjoy the sunset!

Drifting Ducks

Why Not?

It's a question we like to ask, maybe to get out of work, do something crazy, be cool, or out of curiosity. However, I felt that the mere question, "Why not?", has a deeper meaning than it suggests.

     Lately, my friends and I have been using "Why not?" as a question that shakes our foundation in who we are. Yes, that sounds like an overstatement (and it is), yet in our little banter, I kept thinking how "Why not?" reminded me of the ending scene from We Bought a Zoo. The scene begins when the father retold the story of how he first met his wife to his children, even though his wife has passed away. Even though I watched the later half of the film, this scene stood out to me, as if it made me believe that there is hope in the future, despite the uncertainty wrapped around it.  If you want the short version of the scene, here is it. ( 2 minutes) However, if you want to see the ending of We Bought a Zoo, here it is (8 minutes). If you have not seen the movie, then remember,
You only need 20 seconds of Insane Courage. (Did I mentioned Matt Damon played in it?)

Anyway, the lines that resonated in me was when the father saw his wife and exclaimed


     "Why would an amazing woman like you even talk to someone like me?"
                  "Why not?" she smiled.

Every time someone replies back by saying, "Why not?", I keep thinking of this scene as if "Why not?" has a mystic allure to question our reasons, beliefs, and fears. It's nudges me to be more open minded and aware of the world around me while letting go of my fear of the future. I remembered when I was choosing between which university I wanted to go, I felt I was being pulled apart as I thought about how my decision is going to affect my life's course. My father came to me privately, and we both prayed together. Usually my father prays by himself, so it was one of those quiet moments when we looked towards God together as father and daughter. I was carrying a worry in my head, crying, "Should I go to UC Berkeley? I'm afraid God." Suddenly, a clear voice spoke to me, questioning me, "Why not take the risk?" By then, I already knew my answer and realized that I was simply afraid to choose what to do with my life. I wanted an easy answer, but I learned that finding the answer entails risks and questioning our intentions.

In a sense, we're all scared to move forward.
To let go of the past that seemed to define us.
To let go of our regrets.
To let go of our pride.
To let our walls comes down.

And yet asking "Why not?" seems to shift our perception.

We already know there're already a lot of negativity in the world in which most people felt that it's hopeless to fight against "society." However, our perspective cannot be rock solid without the important process called growing. Whenever I thought about people claiming they're loosing faith in humanity, it reminded me of an article my 10th grade English teacher gave us in the beginning of the school year. It was called "Always on the side of the egg" spoke by Haruki Murakam. It talked about how those without power to defend themselves or voice out and act their ideas are the egg. The opposing view, often portrayed as society, System, government, they, everyone, etc, is the wall. Who will win? The egg or the wall?

But the real question should be how would they win? It always seemed that the unemotional, impenetrable juggernaut will always has the upper hand, unless those who are weak are willing to fight back.

 As Murakam aptly said, "Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg... Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: It is The System. The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others - coldly, efficiently, systematically...I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong - and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others' souls and from the warmth we gain by joining souls together.
Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow The System to exploit us. We must not allow The System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: We made The System."

So, let's begin to fight back.

Why not take the risk?
You never know until you try with all you got.

One more month to go.

If you guys are wondering what in the world I have been doing, I would not know how to respond since I'm a private person.

But I like sharing personal stories and pictures.

Yep, I'm a contradictory person. :D

Btw, I got my first DSLR camera. I'm still learning how to take pictures, but trust me. I'' post them all soon. :)

July 10, 2016 Sunday

Indian food at a friend's Indian Classical Music recital. 
Fantastic.

July 14-15, 2016 Thursday to Friday

The last CalSo of UCB. Still it was nice to have quinoa salad out in Memorial Glade

Go Bears!
(How can the CalSo leader have such arm strength? The flag is heavy. Opf)

 July 16, 2016 Saturday

Guys, I have a confession. My UCSD beach ball is going to Berkeley, not me.
Jkjkjkjk, picnic at Lake Elizabeth.
As a disclaimer, the beach ball was a free gift. The hat was not.

 July 21, 2016 Thursday

My friend found a baby bird in his hand (who later pooped on me).
We later let it practice flying in the air with its friends, and it was pretty heartwarming to see the bird try every time it fell back on the ground.

 July 26, 2016 Tuesday

My pee results. Nothing bad according to the bottle. Gotta love anatomy class.
Too bad it's ending soon.

 July 31, 2016 Sunday

My first time paddle boating with my friends.

Still I appreciate if they put in a little effort in peddling the boat. Tsk tsk tsk,

Wrap up Class of 2016

Final Moments as a High School Senior

Even though I'm a bit late on this post, I have been wanting to share this with you guys and keep it as a memento of what has been going through my mind as I graduated with my friends and classmates. By the way, it's pretty long, but it's worthwhile reading. 

If you want a spiel of what it's like to be a in a catch-22 for college, continue reading. It does get a bit dark, but it's noteworthy to read it. 

If you want to read a positive story, then scroll down to Graduation--June 8, 2016. There are fun pictures down there. :D

Enjoy reading.

College Acceptance (late May)

This is the moment when each person finally gets to confirm which school they are going to (unless something happens like UC San Diego updating your application on June 8, 2016, the day you graduated...) Anyway, I can distinctly remember the dread of waiting from the colleges I had applied and facing the high expectations from my parents. 

Back in March, I only got accepted into UC Santa Barbara out of the eleven schools I have applied and was wait listed for UC Davis, UC San Diego, UChicago, and UC Irvine (I never got a response from them). 

Once March ended, my parents were still not happy at the results. Arguments arose between my parents and me, mainly over my decision to declare Biology as my major and to not spend innumerable number of hours on my college applications. I can distinctly recalled the night when I first learned I was wait listed from UC Davis. I'm not sure if this is accurate, but by declaring Biology or another capped major, I was placed in a more competitive pool and more likely to get rejected compared to someone who has done a lot more stuff than me.

While my parents continued to argue as if that would change the past, I locked myself in my bedroom and just cried. My father's words, "You disobeyed me" echoed in my head, and another dark thought crept in my mind. I told one of my friends if he could called me and later that night he did. Over the phone call, I kept telling him, "I'm scared. I'm scared. I don't want to be here, I honestly feel that my parents valued me based off the colleges I got into. I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do." When it was March 24, 2016, my family learned I was rejected from UC Berkeley, and the same argument arose again.

The next day, I wrote in my journal...



                "4 rejected, 4 wait listed, 3 more to go. Hmm, I feel like I'm in a tight knot position like ( :D) who has two accepted schools as well as ( :D)'s AP Chemistry classmate last year who was wait listed to UCs and then got into UCLA after being wait listed from it. It feels I'm dangling between a hope of a miracle and despair. But I need to keep believing in God. I cannot give up on Him, and I cannot give up on myself. I need to have faith and take the risk. What do I have to lose? Go to Ohlone and take the placements and registration forms. [I actually am doing this, and I'm fine with it now. Hey, I got to spend a few months at home with my friends and be chill before I transitioned to my college in the spring semester]. Gap year? Honestly, I'm shooting for UC Davis at this point. May 1 to June. One month and and a half of waiting. Wait, Hope, Pray.

                I guess I'm still holding onto God because I know that not trusting in God is something I can't imagine nor refuse to imagine because I will be someone I will not want to be.

                Okay back to UC wait listed essays. At least the garden meeting cheered me up. I hate being valued by colleges as if it determines my entire life course. I'll talk with you later."

-Deborah Chen

Once April began, I have tried my best to not let the fear and uncertainty to follow me because it was not a comfortable feeling to carry around at school. While I heard about my peers getting into the colleges I wanted to get into, I felt an odd mix of  joy and jealousy towards them, because a part of me felt that I was left out. Yet, I remembered my mom confidently telling me that God has a great school for me in plan once May comes along. When she told me that, I felt it would UC Davis because I felt really confident that I will be accepted into that school.

Over time, I wrote my wait listed essays for UC Davis and UC San Diego and submitted them before April 15, 2016. I made preparation to settle at UC Santa Barbara, but I felt I would be at UC Davis. But, of course, my parents wanted me to appeal for UC Berkeley, so I quickly wrote an appeal essay and submitted it too. When May rolled in, I decided to send my AP scores this year to UC Davis. Later on the same week, I checked my email and learned that I did get into UC Davis on May 6, 2016. I was screaming and shouting, " I got into UC Davis! I got in! Thank you God!" and jumped around the house. It was so exciting for me to see a Congratulations email from UC Davis. While I wanted to submit my SIR within the same hour, my parents told me to wait for my other wait listed colleges. Nevertheless, I submitted my SIR one week later and then spent the next three days filling out online forms for housing, health insurance, orientation, etc. I later learned that my friends also were accepted, and I made plans to have all three of us to be roommates. It really did felt exciting for me, yet I still felt that lingering "what if I got into UC Berkeley?" inside of me. I tried to push it aside, but it kept creeping in the back of my mind. By the time, I was convinced that I have my next few years planned, I learned that sometimes life does not work like that at all.

I shall continue on this story with something I wrote on the day I went to Senior Ball. 

Written on May 28, 2016 Saturday

For those who have talked with me for the past few days, you may already noticed that I was in a dilemma. Four days ago, something arrived in my email.

Tue, May 24, 2016 at 4:21 PM

An Update to your UC Berkeley Application

............

I never expected that I will be spending the next three days debating intensely over which college I should go to. I asked my counselor, my biology/AP Environmental Science teacher, my AP English teacher, over twenty friends through Facebook and in person, and my family over which one was best for me.

Update:
I ended up deciding to go to UC Berkeley over UC Davis. It was one of the hardest decision I had to make in my life because I want to go to a school for genuine reasons and not out of prestige or family pressure. After talking with 20+ people, I decided to block out the noise and visit the campuses to get a nice feel of the universities. At UC Berkeley, I felt I would have more opportunities to explore and expand my interests there in the humanities field and meet people with similar interests as me compared to what I found at UC Davis. There's a lot of activity going on in UC Berkeley, and it seemed quaint in that kind of sense. I don't know what will happened, but I would still say that both universities are terrific and still love to visit UC Davis (and maybe bring my friend's hammock, so that we can doze the day away).

Honestly a lot of my friends and teachers felt that I would be better at UC Davis, especially when I do plan to become a podiatrist in the future. I'm more of the relaxed, laid back person who loves nature. However, I work hard and find myself doing a lot of academic work in my free time, mainly because I cannot relax unless I'm convinced there is nothing for me to do. After I made my decision, I felt that my friends were looking at me with sad eyes while a few looked at me with genuine joy. I can still remembered how a friend of mine reacted when I told him I decided to go to UC Davis at school. Even though he rejected UC Berkeley to go to University of Washington, he was not happy that I was potentially doing the same thing he was doing, since he believed that I deserved to go to Berkeley. After I visited the UC Berkeley's campus and paid my SIR, I was wondering if I had made the right decision. On the day of prom, he coincidentally ran past my house, and I called him out. After he used my laptop for AP World History group work (since his little sister and her friend were using all the computers in his home), I told him my decision. He immediately told me, "Really? That's great!" and I felt that his reassurance is all I needed to hear.






 Maybe that is what life is about? Taking risks and having faith that in the end, and everything will be fine. Keep trusting in God because you never know what will happen in life, and it's an encouraging feeling to know that He is there for you even if it feels everything in life is shooting you down. You'll be surprise of how much things in life can change, and it's up to your discretion to whether or not the change is good, bad, or eh.

Moreover, I wanna share you guys my stories as a reminder that you have to look things at the long term and keep believing. I'm afraid that there are others who were in a similar positions as me would take drastic measures to get away from them. I almost did, and it was a close call. What stopped me was when I remembered that my family, friends, teachers, neighbors, etc do not want me to be a position where I think it's better for me to just poof away. They care about me and I care about them, and that's should be enough of a reason for me to endure a little longer until things calm down. After moving away from it, I looked back and realized how many fun, positive things I have experienced since then. Yes, there is the occasional crisis every now and then, but I believe the positive experiences and attitude we carry makes the difference.

So....................here's a positive message!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Graduation--June 8, 2016

Excerpt from my red tiny notebook, which serves as my journal at school. I also will not include real people's names because that's not respectful to them, and I'm too lazy to write them out. :D Also I'm cutting out info from the notebook, since I am still infected by senioritis. :D

            "My last day at high school.

And I still have a lingering thought from what happened yesterday.

During 3rd period, I was visiting my friend's AP Chem class. Surprisingly, one of my friends was there and playing Exploding Kittens, a card game. He was mainly focused on learning the game, and I thought it was best to let him play without me distracting him. Once I returned to my classroom, I worked on my Berkeley and Ohlone transfer situation, since I'm figuring out which major I want to declare in: Molecular Environmental Biology, Integrated Biology, and Molecular and Cell Biology. The same friend who was playing the card game came in and I was surprised he was standing to me.

"Hey"-Friend

"Hi, how come you're here?"-me

"I want to say I'm sorry for not paying attention to you when I was playing the game."-Friend

"Oh, it's okay dude."-me

Even thought I did not expect him to say that to me, I was glad he came to see me and reach out to me. That made me really happy. 

Anyway, back to the last day of high school. I was in my 6th period class, and my AP English teacher was retiring. During the party, I had a private conversation with her, and she told me...

     "You're a deeply good person, you know? You're hardworking, you always gave everything your best, you're sincere, sweet and environmentally conscience. Don't forget that. I shall keep this together (referring to the gift I gave her) and will write you a thank you note. Uh, I'm trying not to cry."

Later on, she addressed the class with a kind, heartfelt message:

         As Michelangelo once said cue on par one, "I'm still learning." Never stop learning. It's not for grades. It's not for degrees. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." So keep questioning, That is my best hope for you, and I love you guys.

After I reflected on my years I have spent in this high school, I later wrote in my journal...

       "I miss Mission. The people really made it a place that I love. Even though I have felt a bit out of place at a few times, it has been a remarkable ride here. Yeah, I'm graduating with no regrets. This has been a fun ending for senior year, especially today. Especially the final day, since there is no final. I got pretty well grades, but who cares about that? All the memories here are what matters, and God let us have them and enjoy them. 

    

         Thank you God for a wonderful year! I know that I should finishing writing about the Ashland field trip, Prom, and extra things, but I admit it has been a wonderful ending. I enjoyed the memories and the visits from friends and teachers. I look forward to the future, and I hope everything will be alright. I know you'll keep me in my journey of life. I hope to continue to grow into the godly woman you want me to be. I know I'm afraid of the future and the loss of opportunities and the things I took for granted. But I enjoyed high school. Now I end with a song called "See you again." 

"It's been a long day without you, my friend.

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.

We've come a long way from where we began.

Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.

When I see you again.

After I left the school, I was talking with my kouhais (people who are an year or more younger than me). I can remember one of my Physics friends driving past the school. She rolled down her window and shouted out, " I love you Deborah!", and I shouted back, "I love you (name)!" It really made me smile a lot, even though I was rushing back home to get my gown on for my graduation ceremony. The moment I got home, it took me 10 minutes to get all my preparations, and I was out the door in my mom's car. When I arrived at another high school where the ceremony was held, I waited for my friends who were already wearing their caps, gowns and cords. We chilled around and goofed around as we waited to be seated at the ceremony. It was a bit boring to sit in a chair in the hot sun for two hours, listening to inspirational speeches and the names of my classmates being called out. Good thing I had two great friends who kept poking my sides to keep me awake. (Can you sense my sarcasm here?) The best part of the ceremony was when I got to hug my teachers and see their joy for each and every one of us. After the ceremony, I took a lot of selfies with my friends and classmates and ate at Sweet Tomatoes with my family. It was a tiring day, and it did not hit me that I graduated high school. Hahahahaha. 

Now pictures while I still believe I'm going back to high school in the fall. Old habits die hard.

yeah, I wrote that on my friend's white board. Well he's a teacher, but I never had him as a teacher. Ehhhh....

Go class of 2016.

Okay, I should be resting my brain from remembering the past few months. Goodnight!