Hello everyone!
It's been a while since I last updated my blog. I admitted I wanted to drop it for a bit until my dear friend Jim told me about how he is amazed by my blog and how I journal down here some snippets of my life. Before he flew down to LA for school, we had a small talk with each other for brunch. Ha, I still remember it as if it was yesterday. (Funny, I should be studying for my Biology quiz, but I feel I have to write out what is on my mind).
We sat down on Abe's Cafe near the window seat. It was 10:40am, and it was the last day Jim would be at Berkeley, so a part of me felt a bit sad but excited for his new journey. He bought me a sandwich and he got himself some yogurt (originally vanilla but was switched to strawberry when the server realized the store ran out of vanilla yogurt). We sat down and talked away. We talked about college, his trip back home and my trip to Perú and home, and the things we never got to share with anyone else. During our conversation, he mentioned how he looked at my blog and was amazed by how I live my life and how there was no one like me who live the way I do: noting down small but memorable things in life and enjoying the little moments. I was caught by surprise since I assume no one looked at my blog anymore other than through random searches. He confided with me that he even mentioned me to his parents (which made me slightly blushed), and how I was like an angel (blushed even more!). He reflected on how he didn't remember much of his two years at Berkeley and beforehand. A part of me thought of my friend Clarence who mentioned a similar situation in the past when he did not recalled most of his high school years. I then looked at Jim and saw his frustration in himself not only in becoming closer with the people he's around but also with his confidence in himself. I gain more respect to him because it is also hard to share one's vulnerabilities, especially in a fast-pace community when everyone is off busy doing something. I thought about the previous times I have with Jim and with the people in our apartment, and I felt he had been struggling with these emotions for a while. A part of me relates to him since it is hard to connect with people especially with those who have different backgrounds, beliefs, goals, etc. than me. It's easier to put on a face and have small talk as if it's everything is fine while we struggle internally.
However, a part of me imagined Jim overcoming his struggles and being happy in finding someone to connect with. It was as if I saw a bright yellow light over him, glistening with joy and I believe he will feel at peace. Our talk continued and I felt as if he was between two worlds, one back home, one back at school, one that he has yet to discover. It reminded me of how it feels like we haven't found a place or the feeling of belonging, which was something I had felt since I got back from my trip at Perú because I hoped that the people I care about would miss me...but some had move on to work, school, etc. The worst part was that some of I care ignored me when I came back, but I swallowed it in because I felt it before numerous times in high school. But seeing Jim, my friends at Cal and from my hometown, and teachers made me feel at home, which makes me think home is also where the people you care and cares you are at. Jim and I later walked to Dwinelle, where my lecture hall was at, and I shared some pictures I took at Perú. I also gave him a little llama key chain that I got in Lima as a little reminder of me and his time at Berkeley. It was sad to say goodbye to him, but I really cherished the time I spent with him since I moved into my apartment. In my first day of biology class, I wrote a note to him in my notebook and shared the note with him, and I thought about the times I wrote emails and letters, share pictures, catch up with friends....and sometimes I feel afraid that it would be hard to keep in touch with the people I care about. Sometimes people intentionally cut off the relationships (I admit I have done this before if the connection harmed me). Sometimes life happens and the connection slips away because it's natural to and the connection I had became memories...that may be forgotten.
It's why I want to journal down and take pictures to remember the moments I spent with people and evoke the emotions that were felt at that moment in time. It's also why I want to hang out with people whom I haven't seen in a while and connect with them. A part of me believes the connection can be revived if both people are willing to. The other part of me needs to believe that even a little dork like me can make a big impact on people.
Thank you Jim.
Keep in touch.
你的朋友,
陳果心
From Jim:
Let me become part of your life, and I'd be honored.
